Saying grace.

The most common type of prayer—the one we see most often, and probably the type taken the least seriously—is the prayer before meals. We call it “grace.” Not to be confused with God’s generous, forgiving attitude.

Why don’t people take these prayers seriously? Bluntly, it’s a type of dead religion.

Living religion is what we do to further an authentic, healthy relationship with God. And we can do that when we pray for meals: We can be authentically grateful to God for providing us food. We can ask that he bless the food and keep it healthy, bless the cooks who made it, maybe bless the restaurant which serves it and keep ’em profitable. (I really don’t know why Christians don’t think to pray for the restaurants they’re in.) But more often, Christians say grace before meals because that’s just what Christians do in our culture. It’s custom. It’s tradition. It’s habit. That’s all.

Nope, it’s not said out of gratitude. Nor love. Nor devotion. Nor even as a reminder of these things. We say grace because if we didn’t say grace, Grandma would slap the food out of our hands and say, “You didn’t say grace!” We say grace because Dad would take his seat at the table, fold his hands like you’d do for prayer, and give us kids dirty looks until we stopped eating, noticed what he was doing, and mimicked his behavior. We say grace because it’s how people wait for everyone to be ready before the meal starts. Beyond a minor acknowledgment, God has nothing to do with it.

Y’notice in these scenarios, it’s because Grandma or Dad insisted upon saying grace. Not because anybody else did, or thought to, or even cared. It’s enforced religion: Everybody’s gotta participate in Grandma or Dad’s spiritual practice, which might be a valid part of their relationships with God, but not ours. And probably wasn’t even a valid part: They did it because they were likewise raised to do it. They felt it wasn’t proper to eat before a ritual prayer. So it’s just a formality.

And in many cases it’s a superstition: If you don’t bless the food, it’s not blessed; it’s cursed. Eat it you’ll get sick. Supposedly God is spiteful like that. (But really the superstitious Christians are spiteful like that.)

As a result of all this Christianist junk behind saying grace, we wind up with people who treat it as an annoyance. Or even passive-aggressively mock it with silly rote prayers.

Good bread, good meat.

Good God, let’s eat.

Rub a dub dub

Thanks for the grub

Yea, God!

At one children’s ministry I worked with, we had a rote prayer we used for grace. Actually it was an old hymn, suitable for thanking God for food. And since each line was eight syllables long, it meant it perfectly fit a whole lot of tunes. Old TV show theme songs were popular, like The Flintstones and The Addams Family. The adult leaders would have the children sing the prayer to these silly songs… then wonder why the kids didn’t take grace all that seriously. Well duh: They weren’t being taught to! Obviously.

Okay, so let’s take a more serious look at saying grace. And, believe it or not, whether we oughta drop the practice. Yeah, you read right.

What’s the biblical basis for saying grace?

There are only two instances in the scriptures which bring up praying over food. That’d be these verses.

Deuteronomy 8.10 KWL

“When you eat and are full, you will bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you.”

The first is a quote from Moses, telling the Hebrews about moving into the LORD’s “promised land” they were now about to enter. For the past 40 years, the LORD had been providing for them in the wilderness of the east bank of the Jordan River. Now he’d provide for them in Palestine, a land with plenty of food. Dt 8.7-9 So once you’re there, and eat your fill, make sure to praise God for it.

1 Corinthians 10.30-31 KWL

30If I partake with thanksgiving, why am I criticized because of something for which I give thanks?

31So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.

Here Paul and Sosthenes are speaking about Christians who were offended by meat which had originally been part of pagan ritual offerings. Lots of Christians, Paul included figured pagan gods aren’t real gods, Ga 4.8 so there’s nothing wrong with eating it. Ro 14.14 They figured since Christians are curse-proof, we can ask God to bless such meat, which’d nullify anything the pagans had said over it; then eat it in good conscience. But not every Christian agrees—then or now. And Paul pointed out we need to take their consciences into consideration. Ro 14.15-23 Still, the general idea is whatever we eat, God oughta be acknowledged. God’s opinion needs to be considered.

That said: Neither of these passages command people to pray over meals.

Nope. Moses’s instruction was for the Hebrews to thank God for their land, not their food. The apostles’ discussion was for the Corinthians to acknowledge God over anything—not merely food.

Yeah, prayer is one way of acknowledging God. But the earliest Christians didn’t command their newbies to say grace at mealtime. They did encourage their disciples to be generally thankful. And as we see in the Didache, they were to give thanks over holy communion, Di 9.1 and give thanks when they ate together on the Lord’s Day. Di 14.1 Arguably, the early Christians were in the habit of giving thanks for their food, Di 10.3 so there wasn’t much point in commanding it.

So, saying grace was never commanded. It’s a custom. One of those things which sorta makes sense: Since we humans love and appreciate food, stands to reason we show God, our provider, some appreciation for providing it.

But as a custom, saying grace is optional. You don’t need to say it. Your life should say it. The entire Christian life should be one of thanksgiving to God. Our general thankfulness should more than make up for it… if one day we slip up and forget to pray over our food.

Legalism and saying grace.

Of course the way some Christians behave, if we ever slip up and forget to pray over our food, it’s as bad as if we cussed.

Yeah, they’ve turned it into a type of legalism. This is why I dare to suggest that sometimes we not say grace before meals. The way some Christians behave about the before-meal prayer, there is (ironically enough) very little grace involved in their attitude. I regularly hear people object, strongly and angrily, whenever someone dares to eat before prayers are said. The eaters are accused of sin, of all things; of lacking respect for God. And of course they’re threatened with the superstitious myth unblessed food is cursed: It can’t be eaten till God’s first been thanked.

It’s a superstition I admit I make fun of: When I’m asked to pray over the food, sometimes I jokingly ask God to take away the calories. Or, if I’ve eaten something before we finally got round to prayer, I’ll ask God to bless the food “and all that is within me.” Ps 103.1 KJV

Yeah, I’m rebelling a little bit. I grew up Fundamentalist, y’know. Legalistic attitudes about saying grace were a regular part of the lifestyle. It’d get nuts sometimes: Pastors used to give five-minute prayers before the church potlucks, ’cause they couldn’t resist the temptation to squeeze a mini-sermon into their “word of prayer.” Wasn’t a brief word. So I overcompensate the other way, and tend to be ridiculously brief: “Thank you Jesus. Amen.” After all, there’s food to be eaten. Plus something to be said of the wisdom in the Jewish custom of praying after the meal.

But since I know a lot of Christians of Fundie upbringing, I regularly get accused of not saying a proper grace before meals. In their minds, a proper grace is long. Formal. Solemn. Pious. No levity, no enjoyment. No joy whatsoever—which technically means no fruit of the Spirit. Yep, that’s why I object to “proper” prayers before meals: There’s no God in ’em. They’re dead religion.

The very last thing any prayer oughta convey.

How to say grace.

If you’re ever called upon to lead everyone in grace before a meal, here are some ways to go about it.

Same as any public prayer, if you’re worried about praying off the top of your head, go ahead and memorize a rote prayer for grace. Nothing wrong with that. Find one you can say and honestly mean, put it in your brain, and trot it out when it’s time to pray for food. If you wanna hide the fact you’ve memorized it, pick a lesser-known prayer—or write your own. (Oh, and make sure it doesn’t rhyme.)

Keep it less than 30 seconds. Anything you have to say that’s longer than 30 seconds should be said in a separate prayer. Any longer than 30 seconds will also annoy the hungry and the irreligious.

Don’t be inauthentic. In other words, if the people around you believe that all prayers should be formal and serious, you don’t have to adapt yourself to suit them. Don’t be a hypocrite for their sake. Talk to God like you usually talk to him. And if they don’t like that… well, they won’t ask you to lead prayer again, which ain’t necessarily a bad thing.

If you’re praying in front a group which isn’t specifically Christian, make it clear you’re talking to Jesus, and not just any generic god. No, I’m not telling you to do this so you can share Jesus with a captive audience; that’d be wrong. You’re simply informing them which God you mean—and if they wanna opt out, that’s fine. They’ll appreciate the heads-up. I for one appreciate it when neo-Pagans inform the room they’re gonna talk to their gods instead of my God. This way I can pray my own way, privately.

As for when you’re praying for your meals alone: Pray however you want.

But remember: The prayer doesn’t bless the food. God does. Whether we pray or not; whether we pray “properly” or not.

And if we eat in a way which doesn’t honor God at all—when we eat greedily, gluttonously, wastefully, or violate our diets for no good reason—what good is saying grace? It doesn’t cancel out or sanctify bad behavior. Again, we’re to have a lifestyle of thanksgiving. Not dead rituals. Without the lifestyle, not even living rituals mean much.