The Lᴏʀᴅ of hosts.

One of God’s titles in the Old Testament is יְהוָ֣ה צְבָא֣וֹת/YHWH Chevaót. It first appears in 1 Samuel 1.3; it’s what God was called when the Israelis were still under judges, when his tabernacle was at Shiloh. Chevaót (also transliterated tsevaóth or sabaóth) is plural for cháva, an organized unit of soldiers. An “army,” or what the KJV called a “host”—and therefore he’s the “LORD of hosts.”

Why’d they call God that? When you read the passages, you’ll notice Israel is either at war, or surrounded by hostile neighbors who threaten to invade ’em. This was a reminder to themselves that despite these circumstances, the LORD is almighty. Not the neighboring armies. Not even their armies. God’s in charge.

Have you heard of “trial by combat”? It’s a medieval idea, sorta based on the idea that because God’s in charge, whoever wins a battle does so because God musta favored their side. It’s bogus, as Ecclesiastes points out, Ec 9.11 but nobody reads Ecclesiastes. So if the English fight the French and the French win, God’s either taken France’s side, or the English have been a bunch of sinners and deserve to lose. And if the English win, vice-versa: The French have fallen out of God’s favor, or the English deserve to win. It’s what kept the Hundred Years War going for 116 years.

You see some of this mindset in the bible too: Israel musta won because the Israelis are righteous and God favors them. Or Israel musta lost because the Israelis have been sinning, and God’s sent the other side to smite ’em. While sometimes this is true, the Israelis usually presumed it was always true, Ecclesiastes notwithstanding. Because the LORD of hosts judges between the armies.

You kinda see some of this when David ben Jesse confronts Goliath of Philistia, and tells him,

1 Samuel 17.45 KJV

Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

Notice the parallelism in David’s statement. The “LORD of hosts” is further defined in David’s mind as “the God of the armies of Israel.” The chevaót are properly human armies. These are people who, supposedly, follow the LORD, the Law of Moses, and if they’re Christian they follow Jesus. I say “supposedly” because too often in history they so haven’t followed the LORD or Jesus any. I’m mostly thinking of the Crusades, but every non-defensive “holy war” has ultimately turned out godless and sinful. Somehow people never seem to notice “holy war” is an oxymoron. But back to my point: YHWH Chevaót was a reminder God was in control even when war was imminent, or active. And if Israel was on his side, the LORD should be on Israel’s side, right?

Okay, so where do angel armies come in? Oh, that’s because Christians don’t read the bible.

Nor have they ever bothered to do any kind of word study on YHWH Chevaót, and see why and where the authors of the bible used it. Nor do they imagine God has anything to do with human armies. They much prefer the idea of our Higher Power as a commander-in-chief of a much mighter force. Namely heavenly armies. Hence in Eugene Peterson’s 2018 translation of the bible, The Message, he consistently interpreted YHWH Chevaót as “GOD of the angel armies.” 1Sa 1.3 MSG

Peterson’s hardly the first guy to translate it that way, but he definitely helped make the phrase popular. As did popular worship-song writer Chris Tomlin, who published “Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)” in 2012; and pastor Tim Sheets, who in 2015 started writing books on angel armies and how to invoke ’em in prayer.

Lemme point out the ridiculously obvious: The Hebrew word for angel is מַלְאָךְ/malákh, “messenger, angel.” The Hebrew scriptures do not refer to God as YHWH Chevaót ha-Malakhím. He’s not described as the LORD of heavenly hosts; just hosts.

True, there are angel armies. An great army of angels shows up to announce Jesus to the shepherds, Lk 2.13 so there’s that. The head angel Michael did lead an undefined number of angels against the devil and its angels, and threw them to the earth. Rv 12.7-9 We’ve no idea how many angels were in this fight. Could’ve been dozens; could’ve been billions. There’s nothing in the scriptures which describes how many angels exist. Those who believe in guardian angels usually presume there are at least as many angels as there are humans… so 8 billion and counting, I suppose. But did God create that many angels? Does he even need them to match our number? The Holy Spirit on his own can defend all 8 billion of us more than adequately, without any help from angels. Any angels added our spiritual aid are just a bonus.

But when the scriptures refer to the LORD of hosts, they’re not talking about angels. Even when the room is full of serafs who are calling him that! Is 6.3 They’re refering to God’s sovereignty over the armies of the world. God who allows and sometimes empowers victory. God who makes nations rise and fall. God who’s in control.

Whenever we talk about the LORD of angel armies, we’re usually not talking or thinking about God’s sovereignty. Or even thinking about God at all. We’re thinking of those angel armies. We’re imagining angels fighting against the forces of evil, like when Michael fought the devil. We’re imagining a great war in the heavens, right now—even though the scriptures place that particular battle two millennia ago, just after Christ was born, and inform us Michael won. Rv 12 And threw the devil to earth. It’s not in the heavens anymore. It lost. Past tense.

Usually we’re thinking of “spiritual warfare”—by which we don’t mean resisting temptation, but instead culture-war stuff. Stuff in our culture we don’t like, and presume God doesn’t like it either, and how he’s supposedly dealing with it is by having his angels still fight with devils in the air. So we gotta pray real hard that the angels win. That’s the “angel armies” they imagine the LORD is God of.

But man alive—these angels are still fighting Satan in the heavens after all these centuries? And even though they greatly outnumber the devil’s angels (like that matters; Gideon ben Joash’s army of 300 was ludicrously outnumbered by 135,000, but they won anyway Jg 7), they’re still at a standstill? Then they suck. They’re the most inept warriors in creation. James stated one Christian alone can defeat the devil. Jm 4.7 One person plus God can’t lose. Yet a whole army of mighty sword-weilding angels, even with our most fervent “prayer warriors” supportively praying themselves into sweaty weepy puddles, budges the forces of darkness not a hair. These angels would be the worst army ever. How does God sound great when he’s held up as the LORD over such a pathetic force?

Yeah, there’s a lot of bad theology in the “God of angel armies” thinking. But wait: There’s more!

When two or three gather in Jesus’s name.

Matthew 18.20.

Matthew 18.20 KJV

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

We Christians quote this verse for all sorts of reasons.

• To point out the importance of group prayer: When two or three of us pray together, Jesus is there, so he must therefore hear our prayers. (Though getting him to answer “Yes” is another thing.)
• To point out the importance of small groups. Same reason: Two or three of us are together, so Jesus is there, and supposedly his presence blesses our meeting.
• To avoid church. “You don’t have to go to Sunday morning worship; you just have to gather with two or three fellow Christians and talk Jesus for a few minutes. That counts.” It doesn’t, but I’ll get to that.

But in context it refers to church discipline.

Matthew 18.15-20 KWL

15“When your¹ fellow Christian sins against you,¹

go away and correct them¹—

—just you¹ and them¹ alone.

When they¹ listen to you,¹

you¹ gain your fellow Christian.

16When they¹ don’t listen:

Take one or two others with you.¹

Thus ‘by the mouth of two witnesses or three,

every word can stand.’ Dt 19.15

17When they¹ refuse to listen to you,¹

tell the church.

When they¹ also refuse to listen to the church:

They’re¹ to be like a pagan and taxman to you.¹

18Amen, I promise you:²

Whatever you² bind on earth was bound in heaven.

Whatever you² loose on earth was loosed in heaven.

19Amen again, I promise you:²

When two agree amongst yourselves²

about any activity on earth,

when they ask my heavenly Father about it,

it will be done for them.

20For I’m there in the middle of it

wherever two or three come together in my name.”

It’s not about when we come together for any old reason, like prayer or worship. It’s when we’re trying to deal with a serious matter, where relationships may have to be suspended or end. It’s about the direction of the church; not about whether our little prayer breakfasts counts the same as Sunday morning worship.

Your father the devil.

John 8.42-47.

Here we get to Jesus’s notorious “You’re from your father the devil” statement. Before he outright said it, he’d been suggesting it. Now he gets blunt.

His audience was deliberately choosing to misunderstand and misinterpret him. They had pre-judged him as a heretic, presumed everything he said had a corrupt or evil intent, and flipped his meanings 180 degrees away from what he meant. Which being regularly flips things 180 degrees away from what God or the scriptures mean? Yeah, of course it’s the devil. Jesus knew it too, and said so outright.

Said it, same as he’d been saying everything else, in plain Greek. Or maybe Syriac, ’cause it’s what the inhabitants of the west coast of Asia largely spoke back then, but this story was likely taking place right after Tabernacles, when Jews from all over the Roman Empire were visiting Jerusalem. Not all of ’em spoke Syriac, but all of them did know Greek as their second language, or even their first. John’s writings are usually very simple Greek; first-year Greek students regularly practice on them. Jesus’s audience should’ve easily understood him. But like I said, they chose not to.

To Jesus it was really obvious why:

John 8.39-47 KWL

43“For what reason do you² not understand my speech?

—because you² can’t hear my word.

44You’re² from your father the devil,

and you² yearn to do what your² father desires.

That one’s a murderer ever since the beginning,

and doesn’t stand in the truth,

because truth isn’t in it.

When it speaks lies, it speaks in its dialect:

It’s a liar,

and the father of lying.ᴾ

45Because I tell you² the truth,

you² don’t trust me.”

46Which of you² finds fault with me over sin?

Why don’t you² believe me if I say the truth?

47One who is from God

hears God’s sayings.

This is why you² don’t hear:

You’re not from God.”

Jesus came into the world to bring us life and truth, and grant us his power. The devil? Just the opposite: No life, no truth, and to hog any power for itself. Hence Jesus’s purposes undermine and destroy the devil’s works. 1Jn 3.8 And Satan, recognizing this, tries to destroy Jesus’s works as well. And Jesus himself, if possible. Jesus’s opponents are simply its unwitting pawns.

And nowadays, all too often, Jesus’s fans are its unwitting pawns. When they claim to be Christian, yet they don’t know a single thing Jesus instructed in the Sermon on the Mount, and typically do the very opposite. When their politics likewise do the opposite, and if anyone dared correct them, they’d dismiss such a person as “woke.” When they feel it’s okay if they lie, cheat, steal, and kill to get their way, because they represent Jesus and others supposedly don’t. When they’re behaving worse than antichrists instead of Christ, guess who their real father is?

Does Elijah outrun Ahab?

1 Kings 18.44-46.

Seven פְּעָמִֽים/pe’amím, “beats,” or “seconds,” after Elijah’s boy had checked the weather and saw nothing, Elijah had him check it again, and the boy saw a cloud coming. That, to Elijah, meant rain, so he sent the boy to warn the king, Ahab ben Omri, rain was coming—so go אֱסֹ֣ר/asór, “tie up.” Tie up what? The KJV translates this “Prepare [thy chariot]”—it added the words “thy chariot” because it presumed Ahab rode a chariot, because Ahab later used a chariot in battle. 1Ki 22.35

But the reason you used chariots in battle was so your driver could steer the horse while you shot arrows; people back then didn’t know how to do both, and it kinda terrified middle easterners when the Scythians figured out how to do both. You really have to know how to ride, and Ahab wasn’t that kind of rider.

But the verb יִּרְכַּ֥ב/yorkháv, “mounted,” in verse 45, indicates Ahab wasn’t riding in a chariot; he was on horseback when he rode to his palace in יִזְרְעֶֽאל/Yitzre’el, KJV “Jezreel.” This is a valley near Samaria. Its name means “God scatters seed,” and was probably named that because people originally farmed it. Various Christians nonetheless try to find some way to ironically connect its meaning to the events of Ahab’s life, but that’s just futile guesswork. Anyway, “chariot” got added to the text by the KJV, and there’s no reason to insist Ahab rode one home. It’s why I don’t translate it that way.

1 Kings 18.44-46 KWL

44In the seventh second this happened:

The boy said, “Look, a little cloud,

looking like the palm of a man’s hand,

rising from the sea.”

Elijah said, “Go up.

Tell Ahab, ‘Harness your horse

and go down lest the rain stop you.’¹”

45While this happened, the skies blackened—

clouds and wind, and it became great rain.

Ahab mounted his horse

and went to Jezre’el.

46YHWH’s hand came upon Elijah,

who put his belt on his hips

and ran before Ahab’s face

until he entered Jezre’el.

Here’s the thing: The text says Elijah “ran before Ahab’s face.” That actually doesn’t mean Elijah outran Ahab, or Ahab’s chariot, or Ahab’s horse, or Ahab’s anything. I know that’s how Christians traditionally interpret this passage—Ahab whipping his horse to run as fast as possible, and Elijah somehow, miraculously, running faster than Ahab’s horse; running like God had struck him with lightning and turned him into the Flash.

Nope. Time for some grammato-historical context, folks.

All have sinned. [Ro 3.23]

Romans 3.23 KJV

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

 

Most of the verses in my brain are in the King James Version, ’cause when I was a kid in Sunday school, that’s the translation they had us memorize ’em in. But in junior high they switched us to the then-brand-new New International Version, so I have a few verses embedded in my brain in that translation. That’s how I remember Romans 3.23 now: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Yeah, it’s the same, but fall short instead of come short. The word they’re both translating is ὑστεροῦνται/ysterúnte, “come too late, lag behind, fail to achieve, come up short.” If you’re trying to get to the post office just before it closes, you didn’t make it; your stuff’s getting postmarked with tomorrow’s date. Lost the race, didn’t have enough to pay the bill, flunked the test, missed the deadline. The number of karmic points you figured you’ve racked up? Not remotely close to enough.

So if you somehow thought you had achieved God’s glory, nope. If you thought you came really, really close—and who knows; maybe you actually came farther than anyone else!—it wasn’t enough. The way some preachers talk, not only has nobody come close; everybody sucks. Even the very best of us deserve to burn forever in hell. I don’t share their pessimism; I think there are some very good people out there. Jesus was certainly impressed with John the baptist. Mt 11.11 But even John the baptist, good as he was, falls short of God’s glory. So close, yet not close enough.

If this bums you out… well you really oughta read the whole context of this verse. Paul of Tarsus is trying to not bum you out—by pointing out how even though everybody falls short of God’s glory, God can nonetheless make us right with him. If we wanna be saved, God’s made it so he can save us.

Romans 3.21-26 KJV

21But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses and the prophets long ago. 22We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

23For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. 25For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, 26for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he makes sinners right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.

Christ Jesus is the sacrifice for our sin. Jesus is God; even though the scripture refers to “God” and “Jesus” as two persons, the two are one God, and this is really describing self-sacrifice. If we trust in Jesus’s sacrifice for our sins—if we trust Jesus—this is the sort of faith God is looking for, and this is the sort of faith he counts as righteousness. He justifies us by our faith.

Really, he justifies everybody by their faith. Dispensationalists claim back in bible times, God actually did save people once they were good enough; once they perfectly obeyed the Law of Moses. Verses 25-26 right here are saying just the opposite. The reason God forgave people in times past, and didn’t smite them despite how often they violated the Law, is because he transcends time, and so does Jesus’s sacrifice. Even though Jesus’s death happened centuries or millennia later, it covers them too. And even though they didn’t know anything about Jesus and what he would one day do, if they nonetheless trusted God to save them, he would. Same as he did Abraham.

So if you’ve sinned and fallen short of God’s glory: Well, stop sinning. Repent. But if you’re worried your sins, both past and future, make it impossible for you to be saved: They do not. If you’ve fallen short of God’s glory, relax; so have I, so has everyone. But your sins, no matter how many, are in no way mightier than God. They can’t stop him from forgiving you, declaring you righteous, adopting you, and bringing you into his kingdom.

“My ailment is 𝘮𝘺 thorn in the flesh.”

Recently I wrote about Paul’s “thorn in the flesh.” Christians regularly claim Paul of Tarsus was writing about a chronic illness. But the way he phrases it in 1 Corinthians indicates he means a person—an opponent who constantly got in his way, who irritated Paul so much he asked Jesus to remove him. And Jesus told him no: Paul needed this guy to keep him humble, and Paul was just gonna have to rely on Jesus’s grace. So he did. 2Co 12.6-10

I explain this to people… and of course they don’t believe me, because they’ve never heard this interpretation before. People are more apt to believe what they’ve been taught their whole lives, all evidence to the contrary. Besides who am I, anyway? Just some blogger. Who’s not even rich and famous; according to the prosperity gospel, wealth and fame are obvious endorsements from God, and if I don’t have that I’m not even worth listening to.

So we’re back to the more common belief Paul was talking about an illness. And people regularly use this belief to justify not praying for their illnesses. Because if Jesus didn’t cure Paul, why should he cure them? They’re not as important as Paul was. Not as devout, not as zealous, not as knowledgeable, not as holy. And if you’re still on the prosperity gospel train, not as rich and famous.

I’ve encountered this attitude more than once. Someone gets a chronic illness. Might be arthritis, diabetes, epilepsy, blindness, deafness, HIV, you name it. Some are treatable; some are not. Some leave you in constant pain. So they pray. And pray and pray and pray. And because God hasn’t cure them yet, they figure his answer is no. Hey, sometimes it is.

Here’s where they get a little wonky: “And God told me no because he’s trying to keep me humble. You know, like Paul and his thorn in the flesh. This is my thorn in the flesh. God’s grace is just gonna have to be sufficient for me.”

The scriptures were written for our benefit and instruction, so they figure Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” bit was written as a bit of theodicy—an explanation for why evil happens in a good God’s universe. An explanation for why God sometimes doesn’t cure the sick. Paul said it was to keep him from getting ὑπεραίρωμαι/yperérome, “conceited, proud, self-exalted.” He was in danger of becoming too vain because of all the awesome revelations God showed him; 2Co 12.7 he might turn into one of those prophets who insist, “I’m a really important prophet because God tells me everything!” To remind him no, he’s not all that, God let him suffer. So, Christians conclude, to remind us we’re not all that, God lets us suffer.

This… is a really messed-up belief. And not biblical. But unfortunately all too common.

Are you 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 Abraham’s children?

John 8.39-42.

You recall Jesus teaching the Judeans who believed in him how, if they’re truly his students and abide in his teachings, Jn 8.30 they’ll know the truth, and it’ll free them. Jn 8.31 Their response was, “Free?—from what? We’re no slaves,” Jn 8.33 and Jesus replied, “You are when you’re slaves to sin,” Jn 8.34 and “You should do as you hear from the Father.” Jn 8.38 (Jesus clearly meant our heavenly Father, although the Textus Receptus made it sound like he meant Satan, which is what’ll happen when you insert words willy-nilly into the bible.)

Y’know how certain Christians will give knee-jerk responses when you ask ’em questions? I once taught a seventh-grade bible class in which I was trying to teach the kids about atonement, and at one point I asked the kids, “So what saves us?” and their automatic, brain-bypassed response was, “Jesus saves us.” Yes yes Jesus saves us, but I wanted ’em to be more specific. And we kinda see this when Jesus refers to the Father… and the Judeans immediately respond with, “Oh, Abraham’s our father.” Yes, God’s their Father too; they acknowledge that in a few verses, Jn 8.41 but y’know, knee-jerk responses.

John 8.39-42 KWL

39In reply the Judeans tell him, “Our father is Abraham.”

Jesus tells them, “If you’re² Abraham’s children,

you² should be doing Abraham’s works.

40Now you² seek to kill me,

a man who tells you² the truth I hear from God.

Abraham didn’t do this.

41You² do the work of your² real father.”

{So} the Judeans tell him,

“We weren’t fathered by unchastity.

We have one Father, God.”

42Jesus tells them, “If God is your² Father,

you² would show me love,

for I come from God

and I’m right here.

For I never came here by myself;

but by that person who sends me.”

Now, don’t get confused. None of these people are actually talking about genealogy. They’re talking about spiritual parents. Abraham is the biological ancestor of the Ishmaelites (Arabia), the Isaacites (Israel; and Edom, which Israel had absorbed in the first century BC), and the Midianites (Yemen). But more importantly Abraham is the ancestor of justification by faith—of trusting the LORD, which the LORD counts as righteousness. Ge 15.6, Ro 4.3, Ga 3.6 And God is their Father; not just because he rescued the Hebrews from Egypt and made them his people, but because they were meant to abide in him and follow his Law. Much like Jesus said we’re to abide in him, Jn 15.4 and his word. Jn 8.31

Now if Abraham were their spiritual father—if God were recognized as their heavenly Father—they’d act like these spiritual fathers. Right? You’d see faith in ’em. You’d see love. You’d see an entirely different attitude towards Jesus than we see in the scriptures. Heck, you’d see an entirely different attitude towards Jesus than we see among Evangelicals. But we don’t see any of these proper attitudes and responses and lifestyles. We see hypocrisy and sin. So Jesus calls ’em on it.

If you ever wondered why the Judeans wanted Jesus dead, this is one of many reasons.