“You spawn of vipers!”

Matthew 3.7-8, Luke 3.7-8A.

In Mark we only see John the baptist’s appearance, plus the obligatory reference to that Isaiah passage about preparing the Lord’s way and making his paths straight. Is 40.3 In the other synoptic gospels we see the same thing… plus a bit where John rebukes some of the people who aren’t all that repentant; who’ve come to the desert to gawk at him.

Because of the time Matthew and Luke spend on this bit, you might get the wrong idea—that this was all John taught. That his only purpose was to denounce popular Jewish culture for being hypocritical and only worthy of God’s wrath. You’d especially get this wrong idea if your favorite preachers taught this was John’s main purpose—and likewise teach it’s their main purpose. This is how dark Christianity perpetuates itself.

But this is not John’s main purpose, nor his main message. Preparing the Lord’s way does not consist of raging against all the evil and corruption in the world. It’s doing as John usually did: Telling people their sins are forgiven, and baptizing them so they can follow the LORD anew. We Christians are supposed to do this too.

And when the religious snobs come to visit our churches and meetings, and complain we’re not doing it in a manner which pleases them, then we can respond to ’em like John did.

Matthew 3.7-8 KWL

7Seeing many of the Pharisees and Sadducees

coming to his baptism,

John told them, “Spawn of vipers!

Who whispered to you² to flee the coming wrath?

8So produce the worthy fruit of repentance!”

Luke 3.7-8 KWL

7So John said to the crowds

coming out to be baptized by him, “Spawn of vipers!

Who whispered to you² to flee the coming wrath?

8ASo produce the worthy fruit of repentance!”

Christianity is meant to be a lifestyle of repentance. And by “repentance” I don’t mean feeling remorseful and guilty all the time, constantly apologizing for all our past misdeeds, constantly apologizing for others’ many and egregious misdeeds. (I mean, there’s obviously a time to tell American Indians you’re dreadfully sorry for your white ancestors murdering their ancestors, or looking the other way as your ancestors moved onto their stolen land… and a time not to. True of other such atrocities.) Christianity isn’t supposed to be about continuously beating ourselves up for being dirty sinners. Some churches do that, and they’re absolutely wrong to. Properly, repentance is about going the other way. You used to run towards sin; now go the other way. You used to rush towards evildoing and revenge and trolling; now go the other way. You used to embrace insults and trash talk and sarcasm; now go the other way.

Used to, right? If not, maybe you’d better start producing the worthy fruit of repentance.

Ahab meets Elijah.

1 Kings 18.16-20.

Look for a moment at the drought Elijah called down from Ahab ben Omri’s perspective.

Some oddly-dressed prophet from an old tribal religion you don’t practice, shows up and declares the rain will stop till he says otherwise. Then he leaves for parts unknown… and the drought happens. Your god Baal-Hadad, who specializes in weather—his idols even hold a lightning bolt!—can’t undo it. You’re a polytheist—you never believed Elijah’s god isn’t real; he’s just not your favorite. ’Cause the LORD’s worship only involves moral behavior and barbecuing animals, but Baal’s worship includes freaky ritual temple sex, and your wife’s really into it. But it’s kinda obvious the LORD actually does control weather better than the Baals, so you bite the bullet and start looking for Elijah. Hard. But he’s gone. It’s like he was raptured. (Not yet though.)

As you’re sending messengers to every country round about, the wife starts killing the LORD’s prophets—either because the LORD won’t let ’em turn the water back on, or petty revenge. Plus you’ve managed to terrorize your butler into thinking he’s dead meat if he knows anything, but won’t tell. (As it turns out Obadiah does know things. Lots of things.)

And then Elijah just shows up. Just as you’re scrounging for grass to feed what’s left of your dehydrating, hungry herds.

What do you do in this situation? Right: You cut his bloody head off, mount it on a pole, and display it in Samaria for all to see and fear. This is what happens to those who defy their king. It’s what any good tyrant would do.

Yet somehow Elijah manages to mouth off to Ahab a bit, then orders the king—yep, a subject who could command a king to do stuff, and the king obeyed—to bring 850 of his gods’ prophets to כַּרְמֶ֑ל/Kharmél (“fertile garden,” KJV “Carmel”), a limestone mountain range on the Mediterranean coast, near Haifa. In Arabic it’s known as جبل الكرمل/Jabál Mar Ilyás, “Mount Saint Elijah.”

1 Kings 18.16-20 KWL

16Obadiah went to give the message to Ahab,

and told him.

Ahab went to give the message to Elijah.

17When Ahab happened to see Elijah,

Ahab said to him, “Is this you?¹

—making trouble for Israel?”

18Elijah said, “I don’t make trouble for Israel;

that’s you¹ and your¹ father’s house,

by you² abandoning YHWH’s commands

and walking behind the Baals.

19Now, reach out:

Bring me, from all Israel, at Mount Karmél,

450 of Baal’s prophets,

and 400 of Asherah’s prophets

who feed at Jezebel’s table.”

20Ahab reached out to all Israel’s descedants,

and gathered the prophets at Mount Karmél.

“Jezebel’s table” means Jezebel personally financed them. The king and queen of Sidon were automatically the head priests of Baal-Hadad and Asherah, respectively. If Ahab and Jezebel were duplicating this setup in Ephraim, he’d be in charge of Baal’s worship, which’d include the prophets; she’d be in charge of Asherah’s.

Kharmél was 72km away from the prophets’ comfortable home in Samaria, and a bit of a climb. (I took a bus there; that’s the way to go.) And I’m pretty sure the Baalite prophets had no interest in traveling up a mountain just to hear a solitary prophet of the LORD call ’em rude names.

How’d Elijah get away with all this? My guess is after three years of begging Baal to please produce water, any water, Ahab had finally lost patience with his useless god. The LORD knew this, and timed things to correspond with Ahab’s shaken faith. The king was finally open to hearing Elijah out, instead of simply having the prophet drawn and quartered. “Here’s your opportunity,” the Holy Spirit told his prophet; “don’t waste it.” So Elijah didn’t.

Fasting for answers.

Whenever we fast, prayer needs to be a part of it.

Yes, fasting helps us develop spiritual maturity; yes, fasting increases our self-discipline and self-control; yes, fasting shows our commitment to God (assuming we are doing it for God, and not because we have an ulterior motive to lose a pound or two). Yes, it has its spiritual benefits. But its point is the hardcore pursuit of God, whom we love more than calories. So we should be talking with him throughout.

And in the scriptures, when we see people fast, that’s what they’re doing: Talking with God. Usually because they have a dire need or have a serious question, and want God to help or answer ’em. And that’s fine; God wants us to bring our questions and needs to him.

First thing is to not bring public attention to your fasting, lest you want God to ignore your requests because you’re really just fasting for the attention.

Matthew 6.16-18 NLT

16“And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. 17But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. 18Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”

Forget the burlap and ashes; yes I know people in the Old Testament did it, but they didn’t know any better. Cancel any lunch or dinner dates—don’t do that thing where you go to them anyway, but conspicuously don’t eat; that’s hypocrisy too. Go through your day as usual, but instead of eating, pray. Seek God’s aid and answers.

John the baptist’s appearance in Josephus.

During the Jewish War of 66-70CE, a Pharisee militia leader named Joseph bar Matthew, based on his own wonky studies of the End Times, came to the conclusion the commanding general on the Roman side, Titus Flavius Vespasianus (whom historians call “Vespasian”) was Messiah. Or at least that’s what Joseph told Vespasian after he was captured.

Vespasian was amused, and kept Joseph around as a slave and translator. That is, till he realized he had a really good chance to be emperor, seized it, and left Joseph in Judea with the new commanding general, his son Titus Flavius Vespasianus Junior (“Titus”). Titus is the guy who had Jerusalem burnt down and the temple destroyed in 70, and nine years later became emperor himself. He freed Joseph, and after gaining Roman citizenship, Joseph renamed himself Flavius Josephus after Titus’s family.

We best know Josephus as an historian, mainly for two of his Greek-language books: The Jewish War, a history from Herod the Worst to the end of the war, and his memories of it; and Jewish Antiquities, a history of Israel and Judea. It’s in The Jewish War, book 18, where he makes mention of John the baptist in a chapter about Herod Antipas’s war with Aretas, king of Arabia. (My translation.)

116Some of the Judeans are thinking Herod’s army’s destruction was from God, and rightly so—as punishment for his revenge on John, called “the baptist.” 117Indeed Herod murdered this good man. John was commanding the Judeans to be virtuous towards one another and pious towards God. He was using baptism to help them understand, for this ritual washing was acceptable to God—it will appear to him, not like a certain sin-offering, nor a prayer one could use, but like purifying the body. Therefore before one could be righteous, a soul was cleaned out. 118Those who gathered together to hear John were pleased at much of the teachings they heard. Herod feared John’s strongly persuaded people, lest some of them trigger a revolt, for everyone accepted and followed John’s counsel. Herod considered it better to do this before some new follower of John came to imagine a change in the system, and try something. 119On Herod’s suspicion, John was preemptively made a prisoner, and sent to the fortress Maherús to kill him. In the Judeans’ opinion, the destruction of the army became God’s punishment; he wanted to do evil to Herod.

We have no idea whether Josephus ever read the gospels, all of which had been written by the time of the war. Clearly he didn’t believe Jesus is Messiah… although some overzealous Christian got hold of Antiquities book 18, and altered the one passage which had anything to say about Jesus. Probably he found it blasphemous. Well now it’s not; it now says this, and is obviously not Josephus.

63At this time comes Jesus, a wise man—assuming it’s right to say “man,” for he’s a doer of paradoxical works; a teacher of people who are pleased to get the truth, who drew many Judeans and many Greeks. This man is Christ. 64On the evidence of the head men among us, Pilate ordered him to the cross. Not that those who first loved him stopped following, for he appeared to them alive again on the third day. The divine prophets had foresaid this, and other countless wonderful things about him. To this day the “Christians,” named for him, have not fallen as a tribe.

So it’s not outside the realm of possibility the bit about John the baptist was also altered, or inserted by Christians who wanted to make sure one of our prophets is in Josephus’s history.

Virtual churches.

Back in 2020, before there were COVID vaccines and the pandemic was still raging, we Californians were voluntarily isolating ourselves, and a lot of churches switched to online services. Mine did. Our pastor would record his sermon from his office or from home. The musicians would record their worship music separately. It’d all get edited together, then uploaded to YouTube so people could watch it Sunday morning.

Or Sunday night. Or Monday morning. Or whenever they got round to watching it. That’s the nice thing about videos of a church service: You can watch them whenever you want. However you want: If there’s a particular song you’re so very tired of, you can skip it! If the worship team has the bad habit of repeating the chorus 30 times at the end, you can skip past the last 29 repeats. If the pastor spends the first 15 minutes of any sermon talking about football, especially if he roots for the wrong team, skip that too. If he speaks too slow, crank it up to double speed! If she speaks too fast, you can even slow her down a little (and it’ll have that fun side effect of making her sound a little bit drunk). And if you wanna watch all the sermons in a series at once, you can binge-watch ’em.

Obviously there are downsides to “virtual church.” You can’t be there to participate. If the pastor says, “Turn to your neighbor and pray for them,” you can’t. If they’re having holy communion, you can pause the video and dig around your pantry for saltines and grape-flavored Kool-Aid so you can take ’em in sync with the recording, but it’s still not the communal ritual it’s meant to be. There are no real live Christians to interact with; just a service. And the real live Christians are the point.

This is why a lot of churches back then refused to move their services online, and insisted on having in-person church services, dangerous virus or no dangerous virus. Like the snake-handlers, they insisted God would honor their faith, and protect ’em despite their irresponsible behavior. Bluntly, a lot of ’em weren’t actually doing it because the church is people, and they didn’t want take the people out of their services. They were doing it ’cause they wanted to give the middle finger to the government for making ’em do anything they didn’t wanna. This jerk-like attitude managed to alienate a whole lot of people, who wouldn’t come back to their churches after the quarantines lifted. But y’know, sometimes no one in their churches did catch the virus: It hadn’t spread to them yet, or those who were most likely to spread it wore masks and gloves and sanitized themselves. Still wasn’t wise.

Well, once the quarantines lifted, and people came back to the in-person services… a lot of people stayed home. Because watching church on the internet is so convenient.

Obadiah’s fearful faith.

1 Kings 18.7-16.

Last Elijah article we got to Obadiah—not the prophet, but the man who ran Ahab ben Omri’s house; his butler. Ahab and he were looking round the land for any water or vegetation. 1Ki 18.5-6 And likely unbeknownst to Ahab, Obadiah was secretly hiding the LORD’s prophets in caves because Ahab’s queen, Jezebel bat Ethbaal, was killing them. 1Ki 18.4

So as Obadiah is on his quest, he runs into Elijah, who was coming from Sidon to Ephraim after the LORD’s word sent him to speak to Ahab. Obadiah recognized him, though not entirely, because you notice he had to ask Elijah if it was actually him. Some commentators claim Obadiah likely knew Elijah from seeing him in Ahab’s court. More likely Obadiah knew of him; knew him as a guy with a leather belt and a unique robe, and here was a guy who looked like he might be Elijah, so Obadiah asked.

1 Kings 18.7-8 KWL

7Obadiah came to a path

and look: Elijah met him.

Obadiah recognized him and fell on his face,

and said, “Are you¹ my lord Elijah?

8Elijah told him, “I am.

Go tell your¹ lord Ahab, ‘Look, Elijah!’ ”

Sounds simple, right? This is the prophet Ahab’s been searching for over the past three years; he’d be delighted, or at least satisfied, to hear Obadiah found him back in Ephraim. But Obadiah’s response is… well, it strikes a lot of commentators as really weird.

1 Kings 18.9-14 KWL

9Obadiah said, “What wrong have I done,

that you¹ give your¹ slave to Ahab’s hand

to kill me?

10By the life of YHWH your¹ god,

is there a people or kingdom where my lord Ahab

hasn’t sent people to seek you¹ there?

And they said, ‘He’s not here,’

and he made the kingdom and people swear

he shouldn’t be able to find you¹ there.

11Now you¹ say,

‘Go tell your lord Ahab, “Look, Elijah!”

12Let’s say it happens I’ll go away from you,¹

and YHWH’s Spirit carries you¹ off—

I won’t know where—

and I came to tell Ahab,

and I won’t find you,¹

and he kills me, your¹ slave,

who respected YHWH since my childhood.

13My lord, weren’t you¹ told what I did,

when Jezebel killed YHWH’s prophets?

I hid YHWH’s prophets—

a hundred men, fifty and fifty men, in a cave,

and provided bread and water.

14And now you¹ say,

‘Go tell your lord Ahab, “Look, Elijah!”?’

He’ll kill me.”

“No, you’re gonna disappear on me and Ahab will kill me. Why would you do this to me? I’ve been faithful to God all my life!” Obadiah simply presumes Elijah by default can’t be trusted. Where’d this attitude come from?

Duh; the prophets Obadiah knew. He was hiding 100 of them in caves, remember? And if they were near-unanimously ill-behaved, Obadiah couldn’t help but come to the conclusion ill behavior is simply how prophets are. If Obadiah’s prophets were never where they were supposed to be—and even worse, regularly blamed the Holy Spirit for not being where they were supposed to be—stands to reason Obadiah wouldn’t trust any of them. Not even Elijah.

I know how Obadiah felt, ’cause I’ve known Christians who are just the same way. Flakey and spiritually immature, and try to justify this inconsistent behavior by saying they’re just so zealous for God. Which isn’t a valid excuse! Especially since the fruit of the Spirit is good character and behavior, i.e. spiritual maturity. If we’re listening to the Spirit we oughta see some of that, and certainly not the foolishness we see in both manic Christians and Obadiah’s prophets. Human nature hasn’t changed in 28 centuries, which is why the bible’s stories are still so useful.

Ecumenism: Christians together. (Unlike how we usually are.)

ECUMENICAL ɛk.jʊ'mɛn.ə.kəl adjective. Representing multiple Christian churches or denominations.

2. Promoting unity among Christian churches, regardless of affiliation.

3. Representing all Christian churches, regardless of affiliation.

[Ecumenism ɛ'kjʊ.mɛ.nɪz.əm, ɛk.jə'mɛn.ɪz.əm noun.]

One of Jesus’s commands is that we Christians love one another, Jn 13.34, 15.12, 1Jn 3.23 and one of his prayers is that we be one, like he and his Father are one.

John 17.20-23 KWL

20“I ask not only about these students,

but also about believers,

because of their message to me:

21So they all might be one

just as you,¹ Father, are with me,

and I with you.¹

So they might also be with us.

So the world might believe you¹ send me.

22The glory you¹ gave me,

I give them,

so they might be one

just as we are one.

23I with you¹

and you¹ with me,

so they might be perfected as one;

so the world might know you¹ send me

and you¹ love them

just as you¹ love me.”

Originally we Christians were one group. Or at least every Christian church was affiliated with every other Christian church. Didn’t take long for that to change; for individual Christians and church leaders to insist, “We’re real Christians, but they aren’t.” Happened among Jesus’s students; Mk 9.38-39 happened among the Corinthians; 1Co 1.11-13 happened throughout Christian history. The reason there are a thousand denominations is because we Christians don’t obey Jesus’s command to love one another.

Well, ecumenism is about undoing all that. It’s about overcoming our differences and recognizing we all share and follow the same Lord. It’s about loving one another, like Jesus ordered. Sometimes working together; certainly not working against one another.

Yet there are many Christians out there who insist ecumenism is devilish. (And they’re in every church, so don’t go blaming the Fundamentalists for this one.) Not only that, many of these isolationist Christians insist one of the tricks the Beast will try to pull off during the End Times is to get all the churches to recombine into some devilish one-world religion. It’s based on a profoundly out-of-context interpretation of Revelation 17-18, which you can read for yourself and notice it says no such thing.

In any event, these isolationists insist we’re not to overcome our differences. We’re not to love one another—’cause those other churches aren’t real churches, and the Christians they consist of aren’t real Christians. They’re phonies who’ll do nothing but corrupt us. So keep ’em at arm’s length. Interact with them only to try to win people away from their compromised, poisonous churches. Stay separate and independent and pure.