TXAB’s 2016 Presidential Antichrist Watch.

by K.W. Leslie, 23 October

Every presidential election year in the United States, we get doomsayers who claim this or that candidate is probably the Beast of Revelation 13, or as popular Christian culture calls it, the Antichrist. Or wannabe prophets claim one of the candidates is Jesus’s personal choice; if he held American citizenship (and I’m surprised one of the parties hasn’t voted him an honorary one by now) he’d totally pick that guy.

Of course none of these folks have any insight, supernatural or not. They’re proclaiming their own personal politics. Some of ’em do it every election. In the process, any such “prophets” unwittingly expose themselves as false ones, even when their favored candidates win. Because God’s will is for Jesus to reign, not some party, nor some politician. Lucky for them, we no longer stone false prophets to death. Man would that be satisfying.

I will point out it’s totally possible to determine which of these contenders might actually be the Beast. Seriously. Because at the end of chapter 13, John stated the Beast’s number is that of a human, and it’s 666. Rv 13.18 Meaning if we know what John meant by “its number”—and we do—we can calculate it.

Ready to find out which of the candidates are devil-spawn? Wait, lemme rephrase that: Ready to find out which of these folks are the ultimate devil-spawn? Well then you’re ready for TXAB’s 2016 Presidential Antichrist Watch.

The 2016 list.

The tricky part was trying all the variants of each candidate’s names. ’Cause Revelation doesn’t offer instructions: It’s not necessarily one’s full name, first ’n last ’n middle ’n maiden. It’s one’s name… which, I figure, could mean any reasonable configuration which adds up to 666. So I tried all the possibilities: Full names, nicknames, Hebrew-equivalent names, initials. Whatever jiggery-pokery got us closest to 666. Because if I didn’t, some conspiracy-theorist would, so I figured I’d beat ’em to the punch. Hey, if any reasonable-enough variant hits 666, maybe we do have something. And maybe not. I’m just the messenger.

Below are the closest results: It’s no coincidence they’re in the 500-700 range, ’cause that’s the range I was aiming for. I included candidates, potential candidates, and drop-outs, just in case. Nope, didn’t include third parties; they don’t win.

REPUBLICANIN HEBREW ALPHABETNUMBER
Jeb Bush 讬讜讞谞谉 讗诇讬住 讘讜砖 (Yochanan [John] Ellis Bush)533
Ben Carson 讘谞讬诪讬谉 住 拽专住讜谉 (Benjamin S. Carson)638
Chris Christie 讻专讬住 讻专讬住讟讬 599
Ted Cruz 专驻讗诇 讗 拽专讜讝 (Rafael E. Cruz)625
Mark Everson 诪讗专拽 讗讜讜专住讜谉 670
Jack Fellure 诇讜讗诇 讙'拽住讜谉 驻讗诇诇讜专 (Lowell Jackson Fellure)633
Carly Fiorina 拽讗专诇讬 驻讬讜专讬谞讛 702
Jim Gilmore 讙'讬讬诪住 住讟讬讜讗专讟 讙讬诇诪讜专 (James Stewart Gilmore)707
Lindsey Graham 诇讬谞讚住讬 讗讜诇讬谉 讙专讛诐 (Lindsey Olin Graham)509
Mike Huckabee 诪讬讻讗诇 讚讬讬诇 讛讗拽讘讬 (Michael Dale Huckabee)273
Bobby Jindal 驻讬讜砖 "讘讜讘讬" 讙'讬谞讚讗诇 (Piyush “Bobby” Jindal)514
John Kasich 讬讜讞谞谉 专 拽讬讬住讬拽 (Yochanan [John] R. Kasich)614
George Pataki 讙'讜专讙' 讗诇诪专 驻讟讗拽讬 (George Elmer Pataki)683
Rand Paul 专谞讚诇 讛讜讜讗专讚 驻讜诇 (Randal Howard Paul)622
Rick Perry 讬注拽讘 专 驻专讬 (Yaqov [James] R. Perry)672
Marco Rubio 诪专拽讜 专讜讘讬讜 570
Rick Santorum 专讬拽 住谞讟讜专讜诐 681
Donald Trump 讚讜谞诇讚 讬讜讞谞谉 讟专讗诪驻 (Donald Yochanan [John] Trump)548
Scott Walker 住拽讜讟 拽讜讜讬谉 讜讜拽专 (Scott Kevin Walker)659

 

DEMOCRATIN HEBREW ALPHABETNUMBER
Joe Biden 讬讜住祝 专讜讘讬谞讟 讘讬讬讚谉 (Joseph Robinette Biden)509
Jeff Boss 讙'祝 讘讜住 151
Lincoln Chafee 诇讬谞拽讜诇谉 讚 爪讗驻讬 (Lincoln D. Chafee)461
Hillary Clinton 讛讬诇讗专讬 专 拽诇讬谞讟讜谉 (Hillary R. Clinton)711
Lawrence Lessig 诇讜专谞住 诇住讬讙 449
Martin O’Malley 诪专讟讬谉 讬讜住祝 讗讜诪讗诇讬 (Martin Joseph O’Malley)553
Bernie Sanders 讘专谞讬 住谞讚专住 636
Jim Webb 讬注拽讘 讛谞专讬 讜讜讘 (Yaqov [James] Henry Webb)461
Robby Wells 专讜讘专讟 讜诇住 (Robert Wells)513
Willie Wilson 讜讬诇讬 讜讬诇住讜谉 218

So there we are: None of the candidates appear to hit the relevant number. Now, whether their behavior or policies are Beast-like is a whole other ball of wax.

Back in 2012…

Some years ago I got into a political discussion (seldom a wise idea) with a fan of Pat Robertson. So for fun—hey, maybe I’d hit the magic number and horrify him!—I calculated Robertson’s name. No dice. Oh well.

Out of curiosity I tried a few of the front-runners’ names. Then I plugged in Mitt Romney’s name… and stuff got serious. Well, semi-serious. ’Cause Romney’s full name (Willard Mitt Romney, 讜讬诇讗专讚 诪讬讟 专讜诪谞讬 in Hebrew) came up 616. And I just so happen to know that in a few ancient copies of Revelation, the Beast’s number isn’t 666. It’s that number: 616.

Now, 616 is a textual variant, which means it’s not what the best ancient copies of Revelation have. And since Romney didn’t win the 2012 election, any worries people might’ve had, have (thus far) gone unfounded. Still…

Really, that’s the whole point behind calculating people’s numbers. It’s so Christians can watch out for them. That’s all. It’s not divine determinism: Anyone whose name adds up to 666 is foreordained to be the Beast. Just because your parents didn’t stop by the local Kabbalist to make sure they named you something benign, doesn’t make you the Beast. Being the Beast makes you the Beast.

In other words: Pursuing power instead of surrendering it, lying instead of seeking the truth, being a hypocrite instead of being transparent… basically if you’re in politics at all, you’re a much better match for the Beast than the average citizen who covets none of those things. (Or, better, who follows Jesus.)

I was a little surprised some news outlet didn’t pick up on Romney’s number and have a little fun with it. Then again, maybe they knew all along and squelched it… or maybe that’s just paranoia talking. ’Cause paranoia will come out with all this Beast-talk. Gotta keep our heads, folks.