Ephesians 5.21-33.
At this point in Ephesians Paul gets into male/female relationships, which in ancient times were unhealthy and domineering, and—no big surprise—they’re just the same way today.
We got a lot of relationships which are structured as unequal partnerships, where the man’s bossing the woman around and thinks he’s entitled to
What Paul taught instead is mutual
But—again, no big surprise—centuries of Christians have taken this passage, pushed aside what Paul meant by it, and try to overlay their own domineering or sexist impulses. “Love my wife like Christ loves the church? Sure! After all, he’s the church’s boss. So I get to be her boss.” Utterly missing the point, and back we go to the same problems the Ephesians had before Paul wrote this letter. ’Cause selfishness regularly undermines the scriptures.
Well let’s get to those scriptures.
Women, love your men.
Since this bit starts with a participle,
Ephesians 5.21 NIV - Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
—“it’s describing how you oughta behave: ‘Since you’re already submitted to one another’ or that sort of thing.” Yeah, that’s not how Greek works. When you get an imperative commanding-type verb (like
Now yeah, the
Not to pick on the
Well. In griping about the ulterior motives of various interpreters, we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact Paul did want the women of the church to submit to their men. But not in a weird, unhealthy, meek way: This isn’t about obeying the guys. This is about including the guys. Women, don’t just take over the church, plan and run everything, and ignore any of the men’s suggestions and contributions. Don’t use the excuse, “You can do the men’s things around here, and we’ll do the women’s things”—that’s just as sexist, segregationist, and discriminatory as when men are domineering women. Be inclusive. Accept men’s feedback. Work together, not as two competing teams. We’ve all following the same Lord Jesus, remember?
Ephesians 5.21-24 KWL - 21 Be submitted to one another out of reverence for Christ:
- 22 Women to their own men, like they are to the Master,
- 23 because a man is a woman’s head like Christ is the church’s head:
- He’s the body’s savior.
- 24 But just as the church submits to Christ, women do likewise to the men about everything.
Being “the church’s head” tends to get misinterpreted as Jesus being our boss. That’d be wrong. Paul immediately explained he’s our head in that he’s our savior. He frees us from sin, rescues us from death, supplies our needs, heals our disease, and otherwise provides for us. He’s our head in that he’s our resource—he gets us the stuff so we can live abundant lives.
Yeah, that makes it sound like men oughta be the breadwinners in our relationships, right? Well not necessarily. But men should be a resource, and it shouldn’t only be our income! Men should provide moral and emotional and spiritual support to our women. We suck at that, y’know. Thinking our income makes up for that lack of support
When men suck at spiritual leadership, it stands to reason women step in to fill the vacuum. Which is utterly unfair to the women, but that’s what we see far too often in households: Irreligious men and devout women. Worse, irreligious men who still think they can boss around their women because “a man is a woman’s head”—even though they aren’t fulfilling that role at all, and are twisting that verse to support their unmerited household dictatorships. When such men are running a church, that church isn’t gonna resemble Jesus at all. It’s gonna suck. Like their families.
Women shouldn’t stand for this. They do, but only because they’ve been bullied into it, or because they bought the misinterpretation. And sometimes they like the misinterpretation: If the man won’t let his woman do anything, some of ’em are kinda happy to do nothing, and have no responsibilities. It’s messed up, but I’ve seen it happen among my family members. But what should be happening is women need to stage a mass exodus from sexist churches, and see how the boys like it once there are no more girls in their he-man-woman-hater’s clubs.
Men, love your women.
For first-century men, women as equal partners in the family and church was a new idea to most of them. Historically, they didn’t do that well with it. The culture’s sexist patterns wormed its way back into the church mighty fast, which is how the early church got it into their heads that only men
Ephesians 5.25-27 KWL - 25 Men, love the women, just as Christ loves the church,
- and gave himself up for us 26 so he might make us holy,
- cleansing us with the washing of water in God’s word,
- 27 so he might present himself a glorious church—
- one not having a spot, wrinkle, nor anything of that sort,
- but so we can be holy and blameless.
See, first-century women were woefully undereducated.
But taking no interest in our women’s discipleship, our women’s knowledge of the scriptures, our women’s ability to minister and prophesy and share Jesus with others, our women’s commissions from Jesus himself to lead: That is not loving women as Christ loves his church. Because Jesus isn’t making second-tier Christians. How dare we do any such thing?
Ephesians 5.28-30 KWL - 28 This is how the men ought to love their women—
- like their own bodies. One who loves his woman, loves himself.
- 29 For nobody ever hates their own body, but feeds and cares for it—
- like Christ does the church, 30 for we’re bodyparts of his body.
I’ve always had a problem with verse 29, because I’ve known plenty of people who do hate their own bodies. But this is one of those verses we’re not meant
And the very same applies to spiritual things. When men love their women, the women get what the men get, or better. They aren’t deprived because “that’s just for the men”—other than the church’s urinals, there is no such thing that’s just for the men.
I know; “What about men’s bible studies?” I’m not saying you can’t have men’s and women’s bible studies if you so choose. But y’know, if a woman wants to observe the men’s study, there should be nothing in the discussion which she shouldn’t be able to see or hear: It shouldn’t be offensive to women. And it definitely shouldn’t go over her head: I’ve seen churches where the men‘s studies were scholarly and the women’s studies were superficial. I don’t know whether that was because the women had inadequate leadership, or structured so the women could deliberately be kept behind the men, but either way, it felt evil. The U.S. Supreme Court was right in declaring that separate is inherently unequal, but we should do our darnedest to make sure women are not getting second-class anything.
We’re one body. Men and women both.
When God created humanity, he made it male and female.
Paul says as much when he highlights a verse from Genesis reminding us that God created Eve from Adam’s body, and that when men and women come together (and don’t just interpret this sexually!) we return to being, in a sense, one body.
Ephesians 5.31-33 KWL - 31 “For this reason a man leaves father and mother and will be joined to his woman,
- and the two will unite into one body.”
Ge 2.24 32 This is a great mystery. - And I say it applies to Christ and to the church. 33 And you too.
- Each and every one with his own woman must therefore love her as himself,
- and this way the woman must respect the man.
Jesus’s church is made up of men and women, and as such is one body. Not two, where there’s a men’s church and a women’s church and Jesus is taught and ministered differently. Not two in the household either! All our patriarchal and sexist rubbish has gotta go. Jesus expects better of us. And if we truly love one another as he calls us to, we’re gonna do better instead of still fighting to domineer one another. It’s a partnership, not a fight. Stop fighting!