TXAB’s 2020 Presidential Antichrist Watch.

As usual for every presidential election (and for that matter, many a congressional election), we get doomsayers claiming this or that candidate is likely the Beast of Revelation 13, or as popular Christian culture calls it, the Antichrist. Certainly they act mighty Beast-like.

And I guess this is now my usual thing: I’m here to tell you there’s a way we might confirm someone’s the Beast, in case you’re seriously worried. (I’m not.) It comes from Revelation, in which John told us how to identify the Beast in case we’re wondering.

Revelation 13.18 KWL
Here’s some wisdom: Count the Beast’s number, those who have a brain.
It’s a person’s number, and its number is 666.

Only problem is, your average person doesn’t know how to count the Beast’s number, and do it through various illegitimate methods. Just the other day I saw someone assign numbers to our Latin alphabet (i.e. A is one, B is two, C is three) and try to figure out some names thataway. Nope, not how it works. Latin letters don’t have any numerical values… unless you count the letters we use for Roman numerals, and good luck finding someone with the letters DCLXVI mixed into their name somewhere.

Nope, what John was talking about in Revelation was gematria, the Hebrew practice of converting their letters into numbers to get the numerical value. ’Cause before there were Arabic numerals (or even Roman numerals), people used their alphabets as numbers. I explain the details of gematria in my 2016 Presidential Antichrist Watch article, so I needn’t repeat ’em here. The gist is we gotta transliterate someone’s name into Hebrew (which is really easy to do, thanks to Google Translate), then add up the values of the letters.

Which I did, below, with all the candidates on the primary ballots. Some of them have dropped out already, but I included ’em anyway. Hey, they might run again, or get picked as vice-president; you never know.

Yeah, you get different results if you change people’s names around a little: Include their middle names, or not. Use birth names, nicknames, maiden names, etc. Sometimes a transliterated name, like ג'ון for John, is not the same as a translated name, like יוחנן/Yochanan, the original form of the name from the bible. What I did was choose the form of the name which got us closest to 666. So here y’go.

DEMOCRATIN HEBREW ALPHABETNUMBER
Michael Bennet מייקל פארנד בנט (Michael Farrand Bennet)586
Joe Biden יוסף רובינט ביידן (Joseph Robinette Biden)509
Michael Bloomberg מיכאל רובנס בלומברג (Michael Rubens Bloomberg)702
Pete Buttigieg פיטר פול מונטגומרי באטיגיג (Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg)817
John Delaney יוחנן קווין דלייני (Jochanan [John] Kevin Delaney)410
Tulsi Gabbard טולסי גברד 324
Amy Klobuchar איימי ז'אן קלוחאר (Amy Jean Klobuchar)474
Deval Patrick דוויל פטריק 455
Bernie Sanders ברני סנדרס 636
Tom Steyer טום שטייר 584
Elizabeth Warren אליזבת וורן 712
Andrew Yang אנדרו מ יאנג (Andrew M. Yang)365

 

REPUBLICANIN HEBREW ALPHABETNUMBER
Rocky De La Fuente רוק דה לה פואנטה (Roque De La Fuente)501
Donald Trump דונלד יוחנן טראמפ (Donald Yochanan [John] Trump)548
Joe Walsh ויליאם ג'וזף וולש (William Joseph Walsh)535
Bill Weld ויליאם פלויד וולד (William Floyd Weld)273

Now yeah, if you’re dead certain one of these candidates is definitely the Beast, of course you’re gonna utterly disregard gematria, and grab hold of some alternative method for coming up with a number. One which gets you the results you want, of course. And I’m sure you can convince all your partisan friends you’ve really found evidence of devilry in the United States’ election—well, outside of gerrymandering, state legislators trying to discourage voter turnout in the opposition party, political action committees which illegally accept foreign contributions, foreign hackers manipulating Facebook algorithms; and a president who withholds foreign military aid to get that government will do opposition research for his campaign, yet somehow he’s not convicted when impeached. But nope; gematria is precisely what John and his readers had in mind. Not your “new math.”

If you’re still worried some of these characters definitely look like Beast material, I get that. But their numbers say they’re not. If they’re evil, it’s their own personal depravity you need to worry about, not end-of-the-world stuff. So chill out.