1 Corinthians 7.1-7.
Right after the apostles write about unchastity, they get to a question one of them (probably Paul) was asked in a letter—a question Paul quotes in verse 1—“[Is it] good for a person to not be bound to a woman?” By “person” the writer no doubt meant “man,” or himself.
And the reason he asked was because of
Okay, so if Jesus is coming back at any minute… should we get married and have children? Should we plan for the future if we might not even have a future?
Paul might’ve been astounded to learn Jesus delayed his return for centuries. (It’s gonna be 20 entire centuries in 2033!) But even so, he knew we can’t just sit on our hands and do nothing while we wait. We gotta be busy
So here’s where the apostles say all this.
1 Corinthians 7.1-7 KWL 1 You write me about whether it’s good- for for a person to not be bound to a woman.
2 Because of unchastity,- each man, have your own woman,
- and each woman, have your own man!
3 Man, do your duty to your woman!- Likewise, woman to your man!
4 The woman doesn’t have authority over her own body,- but her man does—
- likewise the man doesn’t have authority over his own body,
- but his woman does.
5 Don’t cheat one another!- Unless it’s out of consent, for a time,
- so you might have time to pray—
- and then you can be together again,
- so Satan can’t tempt you for your lack of self-control.
6 I say this as permission, not a command.7 I want every person to be like me.- But each person has their own gift from God,
- one like this, one like that.
8 I tell the unmarried and widows:- If they can live like I do, good for them!
9 And if they can’t control themselves, marry!- —for it’s better to marry than burn.
Men and women, husbands and wives.
If you compare my translation with others, you’ll notice the other translations tend to translate
So since all sex is marital, men and women who are having “premarital” sex with one another: They need to stop treating it as a casual relationship. It’s not. Not anymore! You’re bound to one another. You now have obligations towards one another. Start living up to them! Or you need to break it off entirely—but the apostles discuss that further down in the chapter, and I won’t get to it today.
Too many preachers tend talk about these obligations—the ones the apostles bring up—as sexual obligations. To be blunt, they basically point to this passage and say, “See, men and women? Says right here in the bible you’re not to cheat one another of your sexual obligations. Your body doesn’t just belong to you anymore; it also belongs to your spouse, and your spouse has needs. Your spouse is burning. Stop depriving him!…I mean them.” But yeah, they really mean him. More accurately they mean themselves: They’re horny, and their wives aren’t having sex with them as often as they want. (Or they are, but they’re not happy about it, ’cause their husbands are selfish lovers; and their husbands would really like ’em to feign happiness. Or at least not sigh quite so much.)
Yes, the argument can definitely be made that the apostles are talking about sexual obligations. After all, the reason they wrote this bit is because they’re trying to encourage chastity. But first notice they use the very same language for both the man and the woman. If he has needs, so does she. And if her need is for her husband to
Of course I will argue this passage is about more than just sexual activity between spouses. People commit adultery for far more than just sexual needs. Many an affair has begun because of emotional reasons—a spouse has stopped providing the emotional support they should, so their spouse starts seeking it in others. (And yes, sometimes this is just a lame excuse; it was always all about lust. But sometimes it’s actually not.)
Therefore don’t forget affection, support (whether physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, or what have you), mutual accountability, and all the other benefits of matrimony. A spouse should expect her or his partner to actually partner with them; they shouldn’t have to do all the work in the relationship! Don’t cheat one another in that either. Be there for your partner.
“I want every person to be like me.”
There’s plenty of evidence in the scriptures that Paul was asexual. By which I mean he wasn’t attracted to anyone—women, men, anyone. He simply didn’t think of people that way. He wasn’t ignorant of how people are attracted to one another; he certainly wasn’t dense. But he wasn’t interested. It was just a distraction. He was perfectly happy with, perfectly fulfilled by, platonic friendships with men and women.
And that’s fine! I’m certainly not knocking asexuality. But it’s definitely not the norm. Humans are sexual creatures. By design. We gotta be fruitful and multiply!
Now, the problem is that plenty of ancient Christians looked at Paul’s statement in verse 7, “I want every person to be like me,”—as well as other statements Paul made about how it might be more practical for Christians in ministry to not have any obligations to spouse and family—and presumed it’s the ideal for Christians in ministry. Presumed ministers shouldn’t be married. Even formally forbade ministers from getting married, which is why Roman Catholic clergy must be celibate, and Orthodox clergy must either be married before they join the clergy, or forego marriage for the rest of their lives.
Is it right for a church to demand that of their ministers? I would actually say yes—but only because these aren’t the only churches in Christendom. If you wanna be a minister in that church, of course you gotta follow their rules—and they’re kinda strict! But if you wanna be a minister in any church, there are plenty of churches which have no such rules. My church lets ministers marry. So do many.
Paul thought it’d be useful if Christians didn’t have to deal with domestic issues at all, and could focus all their time and attention on growing
If you legitimately don’t think you can balance ministry and family… well, if you haven’t started any relationships yet, you may have to forego marriage and family. Sometimes God legitimately calls people to be single, as he did with Jeremiah.
Burning.
“It’s better to marry than burn”
Thing is, burning how? What’s burning? What’s on fire? Well, the apostles don’t say. So interpreters fill in the blank… with their own personal prejudices, for the most part.
Most Christians I know, prefer to interpret this as “burn with passion.” Burning is a common metaphor for emotion—you’re burning with rage, burning with grief, burning with lust; they’re gonna go for burning with desire.
But “passion” or “desire” are mighty charitable ways to put it. Most of the guys I’ve seen who were “burning” were straight-up horny. Back when I worked for the Salvation Army, one of the guys in leadership was way more interested in cute girls (one teenager in particular) than in doing his job. Got himself fired because he refused to listen to multiple rebukes about it. He’s not the only young minister I know who got in trouble because he lacked such self-control.
I myself lean towards the “burn with lust” interpretation. But there’s another common interpretation—less common, but you’re still gonna see it quite a lot—which says the burning refers to hell. That it’s better to marry than to find yourself in
After all, doesn’t Jesus himself say as much?
Matthew 5.28-29 KJV 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
So if there’s any chance whatsoever that lust might send you to hell, better to marry than to burn in everlasting fire!
The main reason I’m not even slightly swayed by this argument, is because the apostles used the present tense. “Burn” means burn now. Not in the future, after the judgment; the person burning is currently burning. Unlike Paul, they got a sex drive. They’re wired to find a partner with whom they can have a committed, healthy, reciprocal, loving sex life.
And there’s nothing sinful about that! If that’s you, you have God’s (and Paul’s grudging) permission. Go find a partner, and
