“Prayer’s about changing us.”

From time to time I hear people claim, “Prayer’s not about prayer requests; not about getting what we want from God. Prayer’s about changing our attitudes. About learning to accept, and be content with, our circumstances. About learning to trust God’s will.”

Okay. I don’t disagree that prayer’s gonna change us. I don’t disagree that it’s a good thing for us to develop better, less greedy, less covetous attitudes; that a lot of things we pray for, aren’t really things we should pray for. Like Jesus’s brother James said,

James 4.3 NLT

And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

Obviously that’s not true of our prayer requests in every instance; sometimes we are selfless in our requests. Sometimes we are interceding for others, or are asking for God’s help to be more fruitful and to follow Jesus better.

This changing of our attitudes is a good and noble thing. It’s gonna come as the result of praying God’s will be done. Growing to be more content in our circumstances, or even despite our circumstances, is also gonna come as a result of seeking God’s will. And hopefully we do seek God’s will in every prayer we pray, ’cause that’s how Jesus taught us in the Lord’s Prayer.

However. Most of the time when someone’s teaching us “Prayer’s not about prayer requests,” it’s not about encouraging us to become more selfless, nor to seek God’s will more often, nor to develop good fruit. It’s about discouraging us from expecting results.

Nine times out of ten, the person teaching it does not believe God answers prayer anymore. Either they’re full-on cessationist, and think God stopped doing miracles back in bible times, and because you’re asking for a miracle—because you’re asking for something so improbable it’d take a direct, personal act of God’s intervention, and these people are dead certain God doesn’t do that anymore—get ready for disappointment. He’s not gonna do that. Get used to him not doing that. Get used to an absent God.

Or they’re full-on determinist: They think God’s already got a plan in mind, and things are gonna unfold exactly according to plan. And our prayers, for the most part, violate that plan—and how dare we expect God to deviate from his good and perfect plan for our convenience—or worse, our selfish, fleshly motives? Nope; God’s never gonna change his mind, nor his plan, for us. We have to change our plans for him. Get with the program, and stop asking for stuff.

Or, let’s be blunt, it’s because they don’t really believe in God. They’re not Christian because they seek a personal relationship with our Creator and Savior. They’re Christian because they find it personally useful to be Christian. They like the culture, like the interaction with other Christians, don’t wanna alienate Christian family members, don’t wanna be ostracized from their predominantly Christian culture, don’t wanna outrage Christian nationalists, find they can make more money or gain political ground when they identify as Christian—any other reason than that personal relationship with Jesus. They don’t want that personal relationship with Jesus; not really. They’d have to change far more than they care to. And like I said, they don’t really believe in him anyway.

So when any of these groups talk about prayer, they’re absolutely not talking about any personal interaction with our Lord. It’s ritual. They’re making declarations into the heavens because that’s what Christians do—but they don’t believe anyone’s listening, and certainly don’t believe anyone’s gonna respond. And because all you’re really doing is talking to a heavenly brass wall, you need to adjust your expectations accordingly… and have none.

Nope; don’t expect to get any of your prayers answered. God doesn’t do that. Instead, focus on you. Focus on the attitudes you oughta have, as you pretend you’re actually talking to your heavenly Father. How would he want you to posture? What feelings would he expect you to have? Humility?—yeah, that’s a good one. Submission?—yeah that’s good too. Despair?—well let’s not call it despair; that sounds horrible. How about “surrender”?

Other than the pure faithlessness of it all, the reason I object most to this teaching about prayer is because Jesus clearly tells us to ask the Father for stuff. And to not despair. Persistent Widow Story, anyone?

Luke 18.6-8 NLT

6Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. 7Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?”

Well he won’t find faith in the folks who think prayer’s not about prayer requests. Only in the people who, like the widow, keep praying and never give up. That’s the attitude Jesus expects of us. Lk 18.1 Yes humility, yes submission—and yes, determination. Don’t give up!

It should change us into people who get results.

No, I’m not at all claiming that out of pure stubbornness, we’re gonna wear God down and get him to say yes to requests we really shouldn’t make. Nor is God gonna change his mind about certain things that he’s absolutely determined to do—and really should do—whether we like ’em or not. That’s not what Jesus teaches either. The persistent widow in his story was asking for justice, and God’s all for justice. If you’re asking for stuff God should want us to have, that’s an entirely reasonable request, and Jesus sees no reason for his Father to not answer reasonable requests. We would. So will he. Mt 7.9-11

Jesus teaches us to take our requests to God. Telling people we can’t and shouldn’t, and that we’re fools for even trying—and distract us by pointing out other fruit we oughta be growing, but still—goes entirely against Jesus’s teachings. Not only can’t we call this a Christian teaching, we should immediately doubt the Christianity of anyone who teaches it. Discouraging Christians from calling upon their Father? Yeah, that’s some devilry right there.

We need to rebuke such people and call upon our Father all the more. Just like the persistent widow. Call for help, and keep calling for help. Keep knocking on heaven’s door. “Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Mt 7.7

Get other Christians involved. Get lots of us to call for help right along with you. If it’s something you really ought not be asking God for, those fellow Christians will tell you so, but hopefully you know better and those fellow Christians will pitch in, and encourage you—and maybe even be some of the means God uses to answer your prayer. If you’ve been scammed or robbed, one of them might know a lawyer or prosecutor. If you’re short on resources, they might have resources. Don’t hide your troubles, figuring no one else cares; we do care. And when God answers your prayer in front of all of us, we can rejoice with you.

Prayer is about changing our attitudes—into that of optimists, who know our God hears us, who know God can and will do for us. Who don’t remain content with circumstances when we know God can intervene, so we keep asking him to intervene with all our might.

Who don’t give up hope and assume God has gone away, so now we gotta adapt Christianity into something that’ll feel acceptable to the faithless… but it really becomes a mockery to the faithless, who can’t fathom why we’d follow an absent God. Well we don’t follow an absent God. I sure don’t. Neither should you.