TXAB: The Christ Almighty Blog

2 Thessalonians 3.10. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this verse quoted by people who don’t wanna give to the needy: 2 Thessalonians 3.10 KJV For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. Years ago, beggars used to sit at the entrance to every grocery store parking lot, with a sign saying “Help me” or “Looking for work” or some sad story which might get people to give ’em their spare change. That’s not hyperbole: Every grocery store parking lot. They were everywhere. So the city council passed an ordinance: Can’t beg within 40 feet of a driveway or intersection. Not every beggar knows this, of course. A few weeks ago I walked past a woman begging at the edge of a driveway. I tried to warn her what she was doing was illegal, but she didn’t listen. Pretty sure she listened to the cops which later came by and ticketed her. I’ve seen ’em do it to other beggars. I don’t know how much they get from sitting

Isaiah 55.11. So one night I and my friend Jason ( not his real name, and you’ll soon see why) were walking from the car to the coffeehouse. Enroute some vagrant asked us for spare change. Jason got it into his head this was a “divine opportunity”: It’s time to proclaim the gospel to this person! It’s time to get him saved. That’s how we wasted the next 15 minutes. Yep, wasted . Because the vagrant was. Either he was drunk, or off his meds, or had recently suffered a head injury, or otherwise had some condition which made him incoherent. Jason asked him questions to determine whether he understood the gospel… and the guy would start rambling about how he believed men and women should be together. In which context I don’t know. (Hey, this article is about context, so I had to bring it up at some point.) Jason kinda had this poor guy cornered in a doorway, pressuring him for some sorta confession of faith. Finally, after he extracted something he considered satisfactory, we

Since the bible doesn’t include an origin story for the devil, Christians just made one up. Isaiah 14.12-15 Where’d the devil come from? Bible doesn’t say. No it doesn’t . I know; popular Christian culture insists the devil’s origins are totally spelled out in the bible. When I ask ’em to point me to chapter and verse, they gotta track it down—really, they gotta Google the word “Lucifer”—but that’s where they invariably point me. Here , they insist, is where the devil went wrong. Isaiah 14.12-15 KJV 12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! 13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: 14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. 15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pi

James 4.2. Here’s a phenomenon I come across a little too often: Someone’s in need. They bring up their need to fellow Christians. And the fellow Christians respond, “Have you asked God to help you with that? ’Cause if you ask, he’ll help. You’re in need because you haven’t asked God about it. ‘You have not because you ask not.’ ” Me, I’m pretty sure the needy person has asked God for help. Whenever I’m in need, he’s my go-to. I go to other people second. And no, not because other people suck: I wanna see if I can achieve it myself first, or I can achieve it with God’s help first. I guess it comes from the American ideal of self-sufficiency… although I admit it’s not always the wisest ideal. Some burdens ought to be shared. And likewise some people try to avoid burdens whenever they can. That, more often than not, is the real motivation behind Christians telling the needy, “So have you asked God about it?” They don’t wanna help. But let’s set them aside for a moment, an

1 Timothy 6.10. This is rather well-known out-of-context scripture. So well known in fact, your average Christian already knows it’s taken out of context, and many a pagan likewise knows better. It’s the common proverb “Money is the root of all evil,” and it’s a misquote of something Paul wrote to Timothy: 1 Timothy 6.10 KJV For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. It’s the love of money. Not money itself. Money is morally neutral. But loving money—especially when people love it more than God, their neighbors, their own lives and health and reputation and integrity—certainly produces evil. Now yeah, many a Christian (especially when they’re really kinda Mammonist ) read the King James Version and balk: “ All evil? I don’t think every evil in the world is based on the love of money. I can think of a few evils which had nothing to do with money. Li

Probably the Christian jerk’s favorite excuse for their awful behavior is Jesus himself: He’s a bit of a jerk sometimes, they’ll argue. Therefore sometimes (although it’s way more often than sometimes) it’s all right if they get a little bit jerkish. Since when is Jesus ever a jerk? Well, they got proof texts. Let me preemptively say they really don’t. They’ve got Jesus stories where yes, he can be accused of rude, harsh, thoughtless, dickish behavior. But this interpretation is entirely based on the presumption Jesus had a bad attitude: People pissed him off, so he was clapping back at them. Despite having God’s very nature, he decided to act entirely unlike himself, and be fruitless instead of fruity. Why do they presume Jesus had a bad attitude? ’Cause they have a bad attitude. ’Cause they’re projecting their own bad attitudes upon Jesus. The gospels don’t remind us of his motives and character in every single story; the authors figured we oughta know Jesus already

1 John 2.26-29. Ever heard of a “life verse”? It’s an idea y’find in some Evangelical circles; it means there’s a bible verse which isn’t just a Christian’s favorite verse, but one they kinda consider their personal mission statement. They base their life on it. Heck, a number of these “life verses” are all found in the very same chapter of 1 Thessalonians : “Always rejoice” 1Th 5.16 for people who are big on joy. “Pray without ceasing” 1Th 5.17 for people who are big on prayer. “Give thanks for everything” 1Th 5.18 for those who definitely do. “Don’t quench the Spirit” 1Th 5.19 for those who love to listen to the Spirit. “Don’t dismiss prophecy” 1Th 5.20 for prophecy (or prophecy scholar ) fans. “Test everything” 1Th 5.21 for big skeptics. “Abstain from every form of evil” 1Th 5.22 for big legalists. Anyway. I once worked with this woman whom I’m gonna call Eustacia. Her “life verse” was clearly this one: 1 John 2.27 KJV But the anointing which ye hav

Matthew 5.48. God doesn’t want us to sin. You knew that already. We’re meant to be good, to do the good works the Father spelled out for us, plus anything else which comes to mind. The scriptures constantly warn people against sin. It alienated the first humans from the L ORD , which is why he had to boot ’em from paradise lest they live forever in their sin. It obligated the L ORD to inform Moses and the Hebrews what he expected of them. It’s why the prophets warned Israel time and again: There are consequences for all this evil. It’s why Jesus died: Sinful humans killed him, and he let ’em because he knew his innocent death could plaster over humanity’s sins and restore our relationships with God. So we’re told by parents and pastors: Stop sinning! Start acting like God’s children, instead of devils who sin like they’re trying to piss him off. Be better. Be perfect , if possible—and it is possible, ’cause the Holy Spirit can make it so. In preaching against sin, C

Genesis 31.48-49. When I was a kid, and people hadn’t yet figured out how to use the internet for shopping, my family got the Sears catalog. Basically it was a 500-page, full-color, softcover book . It’d contain every single thing Sears sold—particularly stuff you couldn’t find in its stores, but thanks to the catalog you could order it by phone. Then wait 4 weeks for it to be delivered. Yep, a month . Sometimes longer. (Anyone who’s nostalgic for “the good old days” is a moron.) A typical mizpah coin. When bored I’d browse the things. Usually the toys. But next to the toy section was the jewelry section, and among the baubles Sears offered were mizpah coins. Maybe you’ve seen them too… or maybe half of one. They’re meant for couples. The coin is split in two, and one partner gets one half, the other t’other. You have to put them together to read the entire verse: Genesis 31.48-49 KJV 48 And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was

Matthew 18.20. Matthew 18.20 KJV For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. We Christians quote this verse for all sorts of reasons. To point out the importance of group prayer: When two or three of us pray together, Jesus is there, so he must therefore hear our prayers. (Though getting him to answer “Yes” is another thing.) To point out the importance of small groups. Same reason: Two or three of us are together, so Jesus is there, and supposedly his presence blesses our meeting. To avoid church. “You don’t have to go to Sunday morning worship; you just have to gather with two or three fellow Christians and talk Jesus for a few minutes. That counts.” It doesn’t, but I’ll get to that. But in context it refers to church discipline. Matthew 18.15-20 KWL 15 “When your fellow Christian sins against you , take them aside and reprove them—just you and them alone. When they hear you, you’ve helped your fellow Chri

Let’s begin with a frequently-misunderstood passage, which I’ve elsewhere discussed in more detail. Hebrews 12.1-2 KWL 1 Consequently we, being greatly encircled by a cloud of witnesses, throwing away every training weight and easily-distracting sin, can enduringly run the race lying before us, 2 looking at the start and finish of our faith, Jesus. Instead of the joy lying before him, Jesus endured a cross, dismissing the shame. Now he sits at the right of God’s throne! This is a sports metaphor. Since we do track and field events a little differently than the ancient Romans did, stands to reason Christians will mix up some of the ideas. The “cloud of witnesses” among them: It refers to the runners. It’s our fellow Christian witnesses, running through dirt, kicking up dust. Since today’s stadiums use polyurethane and rubber tracks—so we can actually see the runners, not a massive dust cloud—we don’t recognize the historical context of this verse anymore. Hence Chr

1 Timothy 6.10. Most Christians, and a fair number of pagans, already know “Money is the root of all evil” is a misquote. Properly the verse goes, 1 Timothy 6.9-10 KWL 9 Those who want to be wealthy fall into temptations, traps, many stupid desires, and injuries— whatever sinks people into destruction and ruin: 10 The root of all this evil is money-love, which leads those who desire it away from faith. They poked themselves with many sorrows. It’s the love of money, not money in and of itself. Money’s a tool, useful for getting and supporting things. The problem becomes when people pursue that tool instead of God, who can get and support things even better than money can—and who isn’t morally neutral like money, which can get and support evil just as well as good. The problem is when people’s allegiance shifts from God to money and Mammon, and it has their worship instead of him. Or, just as bad, they only worship God because they think he’ll give ’em money. Here

TITHE taɪð noun One-tenth. 2. verb. Set aside a tenth of something, either as savings or as a charitable donation. 3. verb. Give [either a tenth, or any variable amount] to our church. Most Christians define tithe as a donation to one’s church. But what we donate is pretty variable. Might be $20 a week, or $100 a month, or two hours of volunteer work (i.e. cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming the carpets, sterilizing the toys in the nursery… you do sterilize the toys regularly, right? Babies put ’em in their mouths ). It’s whatever we regularly donate, although some of us aren’t all that regular about it. But for small churches, what we collectively donate isn’t always enough to cover our church’s expenses. Nor does it allow us to give pastors a stipend, or do much charity work… or pay the utilities or rent. Which is why Christian preachers so often feel they should remind us the word “tithe” comes from the Saxon teóða , “tenth”: It means a tenth of something. And t

Isaiah 40.31. Isaiah 40.31 NKJV But those who wait on the L ORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. When I visit fellow Christians’ homes, a lot of ’em have a painting or mass-produced sculpture of an eagle somewhere. Some of the art’s of an American bald eagle, and are meant to express the owner’s patriotism. Others were purchased at the local Family Christian Stores, back when they were still around. Bald eagle or not, connection to God ’n country or not, they’re meant to express the owner’s trust in God. They’re universally captioned with this particular Isaiah verse, in various translations, always mounting up with wings as eagles. The eagle appeals to a lot of Christians because of the idea Isaiah expressed: The L ORD Almighty, our creator, has inexhaustible strength, Is 40.28 and empowers the weak. Is 40.29 Even the strongest of us may fail, Is 40.30 but God

Galatians 6.7. Here’s a verse I hear frequently misquoted. (So have you.) Galatians 6.7 KJV Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Y’notice most of the time when Christians quote it, it’s not necessarily because somebody’s mocking God. Usually somebody’s mocking them , the Christians. Occasionally God’s getting mocked too, but he’s collateral damage. The mockers are mainly focused on the Christians: Once again, one of us did something dumb, so people are having a laugh at our expense. Well when certain Christians get mocked—like when they’re new, and too immature to have the Spirit’s fruit; or when they’re longtime Christians, but never did develop patience, so they can’t take a joke; or they’re otherwise deficient in joy —they wanna rebuke their scoffers. Call down curses, ideally, but they’re happy just to have a clever comeback. “Have your fun now,” they menace their scoffers, “but your time will come. God will no

Philippians 3.13-14. Here’s a verse that’s really popular with motivational speakers: Philippians 3.13-14 NLT 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. They especially wanna zero in on the “Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead” bit in verse 13. Then they add, “This is precisely what we need to do: Forget the past! Don’t dwell on it. Put it behind you. Those things don’t matter anymore. Look only at the things which are right in front of you. They’re the only things which matter.” Okay. It’s true a lot of people spend way too much time living in the past. People obsess about it. Speculate about all the “what ifs” which might’ve taken place had they done things differently. Regret mistakes. Grow more and more bitter ab

Proverbs 4.23. Proverbs 4.23 NIV Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. As a teenager I heard many a youth pastor quote this verse. Except they’d use the 1984 edition of the NIV , which goes, “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Which I like much better than the update; it’s more poetic. Although the way I initially memorized it was the KJV ’s “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it [are] the issues of life.” They quoted it ’cause they were encouraging us kids to be very, very careful about who or what we loved. ’Cause you know teenagers: Either you are one, or used to be one. And I’ll be blunt: Teens are so horny . The flood of new hormones in our systems, combined with how we’ve not yet learned to control our emotions, don’t help at all . I had all sorts of crushes on all sorts of girls and women, and stifled them as best I could. Of course, once two teenagers find they’re mutually attracted to one another, th

Psalm 14.1, 53.1. The New Living Translation renders Psalm 14.1 and 53.1 exactly the same: Psalm 14.1, 53.1 NLT Only fools say in their hearts, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, and their actions are evil; not one of them does good! It’s because Psalms 14 and 53 are actually the same psalm. David ben Jesse wrote it five centuries before Psalms got put together—and Psalms is actually made of five different psalters. The first book Ps 1-41 had it, and so did the second Ps 42-72 —so yep, it’s in there twice. For fun, you can compare the two psalms for the differences which slipped into the psalm over time. It’s kinda like different hymnals which have alternate verses to your favorite hymns. (“Amazing Grace,” fr’instance, is a bit different from the way John Newton originally wrote it.) Differences the NLT actually muted. ’Cause it translated two different words as “actions.” Psalm 14.1 has עֲלִילָ֗ה / alilá , “a doing,” and Psalm 53.1 has עָ֝֗וֶל / avél , “