Does God listen to pagans’ prayers?

I’ll answer the question in the title right away: Yes. God listens to pagans when they pray.

And, well, duh. Of course he listens to them! He listens to everyone. He knows what everyone’s saying, what everyone’s thinking, and whether what we’re saying and what we’re thinking line up. (And when they aren’t, he knows we’re being hypocrites.)

He knows what our needs are; he hears us express ’em to him; he knows whether we’re sincere. True of everybody. Not just Christians.

Why’s this even a question? Because of course there are Christians who claim he doesn’t. Only we get access to the Almighty; only the true believers; only the elect.

And maybe Jews, depending on whether these Christians like Jews. If they do, they always manage to find an exception to the “no non-Christians, no unbelievers” rule. They’re God’s chosen people, so they’re kinda believers, so he has to listen to them, doesn’t he? Now, if these Christians are antisemites, either Jews are simply another type of pagan whom God refuses to hear, or (as claim these antisemites) God’s rejected and cursed them for not accepting Jesus, so of course he won’t hear them; he can’t abide them. Neither of these views are based on biblical, reasoned-out theology.

Really anyone who claims God rejects a people-group based on race or creed, is basing it on personal bias. It’s always bigotry and chauvanism. And you’ll notice how often antisemites likewise figure God rejects the prayers of Muslims, Mormons, Roman Catholics, anybody in the opposition party… basically anyone they hate. They claim it’s based on bible—

Isaiah 1.15 KJV

And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood.

Micah 3.4 KJV

Then shall they cry unto the LORD, but he will not hear them: he will even hide his face from them at that time, as they have behaved themselves ill in their doings.

—and of course they’re not reading these verses in their proper context. Both Isaiah and Micah referred to unrepentant sinners. These were the prophets’ fellow Israelis—people whose ancestors were in covenant with God, who should therefore already be in conversation with God. But they didn’t care to follow his commands, didn’t believe he’d follow through on his warnings about willful sinners, and frankly weren’t gonna turn down some hot pagan sex. They chose sin. God warned ’em, and had his prophets warn ’em, there’d be consequences, and when those consequences came, he wasn’t gonna respond, in the very same way they weren’t responding to him.

No, this doesn’t sound very gracious of God. Which is why a number of Christians who like to preach grace, often like to skip these verses, pretend they don’t exist, or pretend they can’t mean what they clearly do. In the case of liberal theologians, they’ll even claim the prophets were wrong, and Jesus came to earth to rebuke and correct them. I won’t go there; I can’t, because there are plenty of New Testament verses which indicate Jesus agrees this is how his Father treats unrepentant sinners.

Matthew 18.34-35 KWL

34And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

I believe the prophets were accurately relaying what God told ’em. God has infinite grace, and offers us infinite chances. But he also sets deadlines, and if we resist his grace all the way up to the deadline and beyond, he’s gotta follow through with his entirely fair judgments. When these people beg him to not follow through… what’s he gonna do, cave in like the parents of a spoiled child, let people go right back to doing evil, and allow evildoers to inherit his kingdom? They’d turn heaven into hell. Nope. He’s gotta ignore their shrieks of indignation, and stop the evil.

That’s what the verses mean when they state God sometimes won’t hear people. The rest of the time, of course he will.

Psalm 145.18-19 KJV

18The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. 19He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.

Romans 10.12-13 KJV

12For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. 13For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Jl 2.32

If God didn’t heed the prayers of pagans, it’d be impossible for pagans to call upon him to save them! Even the most hardcore cases of people who claim “God doesn’t hear pagans” have to admit this is true. It’s just they claim every other prayer these pagans make, every other thing they request, God ignores… ’cause he’s waiting for the sinner’s prayer, and only after he hears that will he move his hand.

But nope, God hears pagans when they pray. Even if their prayers are weird, ridiculous, warped, selfish, or evil. Same as our prayers, ’cause we can get just as weird, ridiculous, warped, selfish, and evil. God hears everyone.

Dem bones.

Ezekiel 37.1-10.

You’re likely thinking, “How is an Ezekiel passage a scripture for advent? Well, the passage is about resurrection, and resurrection takes place at the second coming of Christ Jesus. Ezekiel is the first time the LORD explicitly shows a resurrection to someone—in the Valley of Dry Bones Story.

The title of this article comes from the gospel song, “Dem Bones.” Most people have no idea it’s a spiritual, ’cause all they know is, “Ankle bone connected to the shin bone, shin bone connected to the knee bone…” They think it’s about anatomy. Or skeletons. Well anyway.

The point of this passage actually isn’t the literal resurrection of the dead. It’s the LORD trying to bring hope to ancient Israel. At this point in history, Israel had been conquered by Nabú-kudúrri-usúr 2 of the neo-Babylonian Empire (KJV “Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon”), and deported to Tel Aviv, Iraq. (Tel Aviv, Israel is named after Ezekiel’s village.) Ezekiel and his family had been part of the first deportation, a decade before that destruction, so he wasn’t around to witness the temple get destroyed. He heard about it after the fact, from survivors.

Nabú had installed Mattaniah ben Joash—whom Nabú renamed Zedekiah—to rule Jerusalem as his puppet king. Zedekiah proved insubordinate, and after 12 years Nabú had enough, and personally overthrew him. He invaded, besieged, and destroyed Jerusalem. His soldiers burnt the temple down. (The first temple was made of gold-plated cedar, which made it far easier to destroy than the stone temple the Romans knocked over.)

Word got back to Tel Aviv. Up to that point, the refugees had hoped some day they’d go home. Didn’t know when; just knew Jerusalem was waiting for them. Now it wasn’t. No more homeland. No more city. No more daily worship for the LORD, so for priests like Ezekiel, no job to return to. They were gonna die in Iraq.

If you’re an American who’s old enough to remember when the World Trade Center was destroyed in 2001, the destruction of the temple felt way worse. For Israelis it was a blow to both their patriotism and their religion. It didn’t only feel like their country was destroyed, but like they were now utterly cut off from the LORD. It felt like being damned.

So, through Ezekiel, God sent ’em a message of hope.

Ezekiel 37.1-10 KWL

1The LORD’s hand took me,

and by the LORD’s Spirit he brought me out:

2God put me in a valley full of bones.

He made me walk round and round them.

“Look how very many, all over the surface of the valley!

Look, how very dry!”

3God told me, “Son of Adam.

Can these bones live?”

I said, “Master LORD, only you know.”

4God told me, “Prophesy over these bones.

Tell these dry bones, ‘Listen to the LORD’s word.’ ”

5My Master LORD tells these bones, “Look!

I put a spirit in you. Live.

6I put sinews on you. I grow muscle on you.

I encase you in skin. I give you the Spirit.

Live. Know I’m the LORD.”

7I prophesied as instructed.

At the sound of my prophecy, look:

Shaking, and bone came together with bone.

8I saw—look!—sinews and flesh grew on them.

Skin encased them.

But there was no Spirit in them.

9God told me, “Prophesy to the Spirit.

Prophesy, son of Adam!

Tell the Spirit this: ‘My Master LORD says this.

Spirit, come from the four winds!

Blow into these who were killed.

They will live.”

10I prophesied as instructed.

The Spirit came into them. They live!

They stand on their feet—a very, very great army.

Advent Sunday.

Four Sundays before Christmas, the advent season begins with Advent Sunday. That’d be today, 30 November 2025. (Next year it’ll be 29 November. It moves.)

Our word advent comes from the Latin advenire, “come to [someplace].” Who’s coming to where? That’d be Jesus, formally coming to earth. We’re not talking about the frequent appearances he makes here and there to various Christians and pre-Christians. It refers to the two formal appearances:

1. His first coming, when he was born in the year 7BC, which is what we celebrate with Christmas.
2. His second coming, when he takes possession of his kingdom. Hasn’t happened yet. Maybe it’ll happen within our lifetimes. Maybe not.

Many American Evangelicals have lost sight of the advent tradition, figuring it’s only a Roman Catholic thing—as if American Catholics haven’t likewise lost sight of this tradition. In the United States we’ve permitted popular culture to define the Christmas season for us. And of course popular culture much prefers Mammonism. Gotta buy stuff for Christmas! Gotta boost the retail economy. How much did people spend on Black Friday weekend? How early did you put up your Christmas lights and inflatables? Gotta buy seasonal Christmas food and drinks, and go to Christmas parties and give Christmas gifts, and fly home for Christmas to be with family, or at least send them expensive gift cards so they can go shopping.

Popular culture reduces the advent season to advent calendars: Those 25-day calendars which count down from 1 December (regardless of when Advent Sunday actually starts). Every day you get a little piece of chocolate-flavored shortening, unless you bought the calendars made with the good chocolate, with the cacao beans hand-picked by slave labor. Or bought one of those advent calendars with different treats—like Lego minifigures, or a different-flavored coffee pod each day (admittedly I really like this one), or a daily bottle of wine—

It actually turns out these bottles are table markers, but this photo’s been making the rounds of the internet described as an advent calendar. Still, you can easily find wine advent calendars on almost every wine-seller’s website. Pinterest

—which, if you drink it all by yourself, means you’re an alcoholic. These 25-day calendars are pretty much the only “advent” most American Christians know about. And on the years where Advent Sunday falls in November, they’ve no idea they’ve been shortchanged.

As for the rest of the Christmas season: Nobody’s actually getting ready for Jesus. We’re getting ready for Christmas. We’re getting ready for pageants and parties and gift-giving. Wrong focus and attitude—meaning more humbug and hypocrisy, more Santa Claus and reindeer and snowmen somehow brought to life without the aid of evil spirits.

And less Jesus and good fruit and hope.

You see the problem. It’s why so many Christians dislike Christmas. Too much fake sentiment. Too much “magic.” Too many feigned happy smiles when really they don’t like what so much of the “season” is about.

So lemme recommend an alternative: Let’s skip the Christmas season, and focus on the advent season. Let’s look to Jesus. He’s coming back, y’know. Could return at any time.

Preaching to the spirits in prison.

1 Peter 3.19-22.

Today’s passage confuses Christians because it refers to Jewish mythology, and most Christians know nothing about Jewish mythology. (Nor Jewish history, nor the Old Testament, but that’s a whole other—and far more important—issue.) Simon Peter grew up hearing about Jewish mythology, and the people who read his letter likely heard of it too, so they knew what he was talking about. Us, not so much.

Problem is, not all the ancient Christians knew of it. Gentiles hadn’t. Gentiles knew pagan mythology; they grew up in pagan culture, so they knew the stories of Zeus, Hermes, Apollo, Hades, and Zeus’s half-human, half-divine offspring like Perseus and Herakles. They also knew how to make up mythology… and that’s what they did with this passage. This is where several popular Christian myths come from.

One of the most popular is “the harrowing of hell,” as some Christians call it. It’s a story about how Jesus, after he died but before he was resurrected, went into the “prison” of the afterlife, and preached the gospel to “the spirits in prison.” Apparently the Old Testament saints were there, like Jesus’s ancestors Abraham and David; apparently, because Jesus hadn’t yet died for the sins of humanity, they had to be there, to suffer for their sins. But now Jesus had died for them. And once these saints eagerly accepted Jesus as Lord (’cause of course they would; everybody the ancient Christians considered a hero of the faith would) he freed them from prison, and took ’em with him to heaven. So they’re in heaven now. It’s why Orthodox Christians now call them saints (i.e. St. Abraham, St. David) although for some odd reason, even though they do believe these guys are in heaven now, Roman Catholics don’t.

Yeah, you’ve probably heard the “harrowing of hell” story, in one form or another. Doesn’t come from bible. Doesn’t come from this passage either, although many a Christian has pointed to it and claimed our myth is based on it. Nope; this passage isn’t about our myth; it’s about the Jews’ myth.

I’ll quote the passage first, then get to the myth.

1 Peter 3.19-22 KWL

19The One going to the spirits in prison

also preaches by the Spirit

20to those who’d been disobedient

when, in Noah’s days,

God’s patience was eagerly awaiting

the box’s preparation,

in which few—eight lives, that is—

escaped through water.

21Which now corresponds to you² also—

how baptism saves.

Not by removing dirt from flesh,

but a response to God,

in good conscience;

through Christ Jesus’s resurrection,

22who is at God’s right hand,

gone to heaven,

angels, authorities, and powers

submitted to him.

Thanksgiving Day.

In the United States, we have a national day of thanksgiving on November’s fourth Thursday.

Whom are we giving thanks to? Well, the act which establishes Thanksgiving Day as one of our national holidays, provides no instructions whatsoever on how we’re to observe it. Or even whom we’re to thank.

Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That the last Thursday in November in each year after the year 1941 be known as Thanksgiving Day, and is hereby made a legal public holiday to all intents and purposes and in the same manner as the 1st day of January, the 22d day of February, the 30th day of May, the 4th day of July, the first Monday of September, the 11th day of November, and Christmas Day are now made by law public holidays.

—77th Congress, 6 October 1941
House Joint Resolution 41

The Senate amended it to read “fourth Thursday in November,” and President Franklin Roosevelt signed it into law. So it’s a holiday. But left undefined, ’cause our Constitution won’t permit Congress to pick a national religion, nor define religious practice. Article 6; Amendment 1 Not that Congress doesn’t bend that rule on occasion. Making “In God We Trust” our national motto, fr’instance.

Though our government is secular, the country sure isn’t. Three out of five U.S. citizens call ourselves Christian. (I know; we sure don’t act it. Look at our crime rate. Look at the people we elect.) Regardless, a majority of us claim allegiance to Jesus, which is why we bend the Constitution so often and get away with it. Our presidents do as well; our first president was the guy who first implemented a national Thanksgiving Day.

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be.

—President George Washington, 3 October 1789

Yeah, Americans point to other functions as our “first Thanksgiving.” Usually a harvest celebration by the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians in 1621. Although technically the first Christian thanksgiving day on the continent was held by the Spanish in Florida in 1565—followed by another in Texas in 1598, and another by the Virginia colonists as early as 1607.

Over time, colonial custom created a regular Thanksgiving Day, held in the fall. Sometimes governments declared a Thanksgiving Day, like the Continental Congress declaring one for 18 December 1777 after the Battle of Saratoga. But Washington’s declaration in 1789 didn’t fix the day nationally—and he didn’t declare another till 1795. States set their own days: In 1816, New Hampshire picked 14 November, and Massachusetts picked 28 November.

It wasn’t till 1863 when it did become a regular national holiday:

I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.

—President Abraham Lincoln, 3 October 1863

Lincoln and his successors declared Thanksgiving every year thereafter.

Thus far these declarations weren’t law; they were presidential proclamations. Unlike executive orders nowadays, they weren’t legally binding. Note Washington only recommended, and Lincoln only invited, all Americans to celebrate Thanksgiving. They didn’t enforce it. ’Cause no government official, no matter how devout, has any business ordering people to worship.

So how’d it become a law? Mammon.

In 1939, during the Great Depression, November’s last Thursday was the 30th. Most Americans insist on only dealing with one major holiday at a time, so they don’t bother to shop for Christmas till the Friday after Thanksgiving. (Black Friday, as it became known in the 1950s because of shopper congestion, not because merchants finally found their budgets in the black.) With only 25 shopping days till Christmas, merchants wanted an extra week. So they begged the president, who complied and declared Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday: 23 November.

Republicans made a stink. How dare the President monkey with a sacred day for the sake of materialism? (Yeah, Republicans have changed their tune quite a lot since.) Ignoring Roosevelt, 22 states set the date of Thanksgiving as the last Thursday. But in 1940 and ’41, Roosevelt went even further and declared the third Thursday as Thanksgiving.

Finally the Congress stepped in: Thanksgiving was made an official federal holiday, and set on the fourth Thursday. That’s what it’s been since. There will always be at least 27 shopping days till Christmas.

The Jesus Seminar.

Every once in a while someone informs me a particular Jesus-saying in the gospels wasn’t actually said by Jesus. It’s extremely rare; it’s only happened to me thrice.

“No it was said by Jesus,” I’ll tell them. “Best we can tell, it’s been part of Christian tradition since the first century. it’s not a textual variant.”

“No it’s not,” they’ll respond, “because the Jesus Seminar says it’s not.”

First time I heard this, I laughed. A lot. “Who put them in charge of deciding what’s bible and what’s not?” As far as I knew, the Jesus Seminar people were just a bunch of crackpots.

Eventually I looked into this Jesus Seminar stuff and discovered… well crackpot isn’t the kindest way of putting it, but there’s an awful lot of cracked pottery involved in their setup. Lemme back up a bunch and explain what I mean.

The Jesus Seminar was the brainchild of liberal theologian Dr. Robert W. Funk (1926–2005), who created it to publicize his recently-founded Westar Institute, a nonprofit which promoted biblical studies from a liberal theological viewpoint. And before I keep flinging that term around, I’d better define it: Liberal theology presumes the theologian—not the Holy Spirit, scripture, and orthodox Christian tradition—is the authority when it comes to forming one’s beliefs about God. They decide what’s true and what’s not.

Based on what? Well, the conservative theologian will point to other authorities, like the Spirit, scripture, and tradition. Depending on the integrity of the theologian, they might not quote or interpret these authorities properly… but they do recognize it’s important to point to other authorities, and say, “They say so; it’s not just me.” Whereas liberal theologians don’t care if they’re the only ones saying so. They might point to the Spirit, scripture, and tradition, but they figure what ultimately decides whether something’s true or false about God, is them. And their commonsense, assuming they have any.

Hence liberal theologians don't do orthodoxy, don't recognize bible as authoritative, and frequently don't believe God intervenes in human history anyway. You might notice many of ’em go out of their way to reject orthodox and biblical ideas, just to show off how independent, novel, and radical they are. Plus it's great publicity. You’re not gonna gain notoriety for saying, “By golly, it looks like Jesus was born in Bethlehem of a virgin!”—unless you’re already well-known for denying every other creedal belief.

Funk was one of those guys. In 1985, he invited 50 academics and 100 laymen to join him at the new Westar campus in Santa Rosa, California, and participate in a seminar in which they’d vote on the legitimacy of 1,500 individual Jesus sayings, found in the gospels, the rest of the New Testament, and the Gospel of Thomas. Are they authentic Jesus, or hokum? Each participant voted by dropping a bead in a box:

• RED (3 points) meant it’s definitely Jesus.
• PINK (2 points) meant it’s likely Jesus—they were pretty sure he said something just like that.
• GRAY (1 point) meant Jesus didn’t say those exact words, but it’s consistent with his thinking.
• BLACK (0 points) meant it’s not Jesus at all.

The academics were largely legitimate biblical scholars, regardless of their liberal views. The laymen were… well, laymen. Not scholars. Churchgoers, and not. Filmmaker Paul Verhoeven, who’d just directed his first American movie—hadn’t even made RoboCop and Total Recall yet—was one of ’em. He’s a Historical Jesus fan; he published a book about Jesus in 2008, and has wanted to make a Jesus movie in which he’s a radical political activist. Again, not a scholar. And y’notice the laymen outnumbered—and could easily outvote—the scholars.

What criteria did these people use for determining whether something truly came from Jesus or not? Well, having it in all the gospels certainly helped. They were also looking for certain traits: It had to be memorable; they figured Jesus would say catchy stuff, like “Don’t throw pearls to pigs.” They liked irony, so if Jesus’s teachings sounded ironic to them (“The last will be first, and the first last”) they figured he’d say that. They liked the idea of trusting God, so if Jesus talked about that (“Have faith in God”) they figured that was legit.

What they didn’t consider legit, were End Times stuff, miracle stories, stuff about the church (’cause they didn’t believe Jesus intended to start any church), anything where Jesus talks about himself (“I am the way, the truth, and the life”). Plus if something is found in one gospel but not the others, they presumed the author of that gospel was pushing his agenda, not Jesus’s.

The end result? They published a new translation of the gospels, color-coded to how they voted. Black meant most voted black; red meant most voted red. Thus you wind up with a Lord’s Prayer which looks like so:

Matthew 6.9-13 Jesus Seminar version

9“Instead, you should pray like this: Our Father in the heavens, your name be revered. 10Impose your imperial rule, enact your will on earth as you have in heaven. 11Provide us with the bread we need for today. 12Forgive our debts to the extent that we have forgiven those in debt to us. 13And please don't subject us to test after test, but rescue us from the evil one.”

So the only thing they deem Jesus definitely said was “Our Father,” and he definitely didn’t say “in heaven,” nor “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” nor “Deliver us from evil.” And only mighta said the rest.

In this way, with this criteria, 82 percent of Jesus’s teachings got nullified. Don’t have to follow them anymore! Of course if he’s not really divine, and doesn’t wholly speak for God, you never had to follow him anyway. So this isn’t really about growing closer to Jesus, nor learning to follow him better; this is just a fun intellectual exercise.

Thanksgiving. The prayer, not the day.

In the United States, on November’s fourth Thursday, we celebrate a national day of thanksgiving. Today I’m not talking about the day itself though. I’m talking about the act.

Americans don’t always remember there’s such a thing as an act of thanksgiving. Our fixation is usually on the food, football, maybe the parade, maybe the dog show. If you’re pagan, you seldom even think to thank God… or anyone. Instead you conjure up some feeling of gratitude. You have a nice life, a decent job, good health, some loved ones, and got some stuff you’ve always wanted. Or you don’t have these things, but you’re grateful for the few things you do have. Or you’re not grateful at all, and bitter… and in a few minutes, drunk.

But this feeling of gratitude isn’t directed anywhere. Shouldn’t you be grateful to someone or something? Shouldn’t there be some being to thank?

And that’s a question many a pagan never asks themselves. I know of one family who thanks one other. Civic idolaters might be grateful to America or the president, as if they consciously gave ’em anythng. Those who love their jobs might be grateful to their bosses and customers. But pagans generally suppress the question by drowning it with food and drink. Maybe thanking the person who prepared the food—but just as often, not.

Even among the Christians who remember, “Oh yeah—we’re thanking God,” a lot of the thanking is limited to saying grace before the meal: “Good bread, good meat, good God let’s eat.” Although every once in a while somebody in the family might say, “And now let’s go round the table, and everybody say one thing you’re thankful for.” A game nobody enjoys but them… although I myself have come up with a lot of outrageous answers to that question, which amuse me at least.

But enough about Thanksgiving Day and its not-so-religious customs and behavior. The practice of thanksgiving isn’t limited to just this one day. If you wanna practice more actual, authentic thanksgiving in your relationship with God, great! I’m all for that. So’s God. But it means way more than thanking God only once a year, on the government-approved day set aside for it.