Too guilty to pray.

There’s two kinds of guilt: The emotion, and the legal status. Today I’m talking about the emotion.

Not that there aren’t people who don’t bother to pray because of the legal status—because, they say, they’re far too evil to talk to God. Rubbish; the only thing really stopping ’em from talking to their Father, is their emotion, and probably their pride—they’re just so bad, God can’t abide them. That’s rubbish too.

’Cause if the devil, which is probably as pure evil as beings can get (though there are definitely some humans who give it solid competition) had no trouble talking with God, Jb 1.6-7 we all know God isn’t so holy he can’t interact with evil creatures. Jesus ate with sinners, remember? So much so, it bugged snobs.

So yeah, I’m writing about the emotion of guilt—that feeling you’ve done wrong and deserve chastisement for it. Tied together with it is the irrational fear God’s gonna chastise you, when you approach him: “How durst thou stand before me and speak unto me, thou filthy sinner? Half a mind have I to smite thee with shingles.” And visions of this angry KJV-speaking cosmic hairy thunderer dance through our fearful brains.

’Cause we completely forgot God is Jesus. Was Jesus this way towards people who approached him? No. (Well okay, he acted a bit racist towards this one Syrian, but that was likely a test. Mt 15.21-28) When we turn to God in prayer, he doesn’t blast us with wrath and anger. He confronts us like the father in the Prodigal Son Story:

Luke 15.20-24 The Message

20“He got right up and went home to his father.

“When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. 21The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again.’

22“But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! 24My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time.”

The son was feeling mighty guilty—but his father’s response was, “I have my boy back! Let’s party!” In a healthy relationship with a healthy father, your dad’s not gonna smack you around for screwing up; life will already do that aplenty. He’s just gonna love you, and be there for you. That’s God. That hairy thunderer?—that’s not a healthy father, ergo that’s not God. Stop letting that false image obstruct your relationship with God. Jesus describes his Father in his parable. That’s what we should expect—no matter how guilty we might feel.

Guilty over unrepentant sin.

Rarely, but sometimes, I’ll come across Christians who are sinning, know they’re sinning… and have no plans to stop sinning. And they don’t wanna pray because they know God doesn’t want to hear from an unrepentant sinner. The prodigal son was repentant and humble; either they aren’t repentant and humble enough, or aren’t repentant and humble at all.

Fr’instance I met a promiscuous guy in a Christian 12-step program. He was there to deal with other issues; not his promiscuity. He had no plans to give that up, even though it had ruined his marriage, and guaranteed he couldn’t have a stable relationship with women. So when prayer time came around, he chose to pass. He knew God expects better of him—but he just wasn’t gonna give up indiscriminate nooky for God. That was his Lord. His idol.

And, okay, fair. If you’re in an idolatrous relationship with a particular sin, I can totally understand why you can’t pray to God. You have another master, and like Jesus said, we can’t have two. Mt 6.24, Lk 16.13 But you do realize your new master is destroying you, right? Sometimes slowly; so slowly you won’t see it till you hit rock bottom. Sometimes way faster than you realize, like a promiscuous guy who gets murdered by someone he cuckolded, and dies before he has the time for a last-minute conversion.

Some of these unrepentant sinners claim they don’t feel any guilt about their sins. Maybe they don’t, but I have my doubts whenever I see them upset with God. If you legitimately don’t believe in God, or don’t believe God legitimately calls your behavior sin, why so upset? Well duh—it’s guilt. They know better; they know they’ve done wrong in God’s eyes; they know they deserve some form of chastisement. But good old-fashioned human depravity tries to keep us from feeling bad about ourselves… and it’s much easier to be angry at God, and blame him for our problem. “I’m happier this way, so how dare you judge me, God?” It’s a defense mechanism: They don’t wanna feel bad about themselves, so they drown out that bad feeling by being irrationally angry with God. And sometimes this works. Ruins their relationships with God, but it works.

When they finally realize they’re not really happier this way, sometimes they repent of this folly and come back to God—who is always there to embrace ’em. But many people are way too hard-headed to admit any such thing, and die angry, and in despair. It’s sad. Saddens God too. He just wants to love ’em.

In some of these cases, the guilt they’re feeling is the Holy Spirit nudging them in the conscience. Not every case. When that tactic won’t work, the Spirit doesn’t bother. Christians might try it anyway, and shouldn’t. Conviction is the Spirit’s job, not ours.

But when it works, the Spirit uses it to get people to seek God, and maybe repent, and finally break free of their sin problem. I’m not saying it’s easy; some sins are habitual, addictive, and really difficult to get away from. God knows. But he wants to help—and he wants to talk. (Nope, I didn’t forget this is an article about prayer.) So don’t let those sins get in your way. Pray!