Years ago I worked at a Christian camp. For the summer program we’d hire college students to be counselors. Some of them grew up Christian; some of them had only been Christian a short time; some of them had only claimed to be Christian on their applications, but didn’t know Jesus from Obi-Wan Kenobi. (Actually they may have known a lot more about Obi-Wan than Jesus.)
Once, while hanging out, one of the longtime Christians mentioned her brother was “courting” a certain girl. The Christian newbie in our group got a confused look on her face—she wasn’t familiar with the term.
“Courting,” I explained, “is dating. But no sex.”
The newbie nodded, understandingly. Some of the group grinned.
The girl who introduced the term “courting” objected.
- SHE. “That’s not what it means.”
- HE. “Does he bring chaperones to the dates?”
- SHE. “No…”
- HE. “No kissing? No hand-holding? No touching of any kind?”
- SHE. “No.”
- HE. “They go off and do things together, by themselves? But not sex.” [As far as she knew.]
- SHE. “Yes.”
- HE. “The rest of the planet calls that ‘dating’.”
’Cause to be fair, many Christians do add extra expectations to what they’ll call “courting.” When Christians use that term, it can range from my basic definition (dating, but no sex) to an arranged marriage—I’m not kidding—where the parents interview their children’s prospective spouses, approve them, and supervise every single interaction between the kids till they’re wed. Even listen in on phone calls and read their texts.
However, I should also bring up a couple I knew in college who called what they were doing “courting”—and yep, they were having sex too. They just wanted to use the Christianese word.
The whole point of having a unique Christian word for dating, is because nowadays “dating” can pretty much mean anything. And because
Yep, it’s a jungle out there. So “courtship” implies civilization. It suggests a couple aren’t simply trying to get into one another’s pants, but want to really get to know one another. Want to develop a friendly, loving relationship—the kind of solid basis for a marriage.
But I should point out: Courtship doesn’t come from the bible. Isn’t found in the bible at all. Seriously.