Every presidential election year in the United States, we get doomsayers who claim this or that candidate is probably the Beast of Revelation 13, or as popular Christian culture calls it, the Antichrist. Or wannabe prophets claim one of the candidates is Jesus’s personal choice; if he held American citizenship (and I’m surprised one of the parties hasn’t voted him an honorary one by now) he’d totally pick that guy.
Of course none of these folks have any insight, supernatural or not. They’re proclaiming their own personal politics. Some of ’em do it every election. In the process, any such “prophets” unwittingly expose themselves as false ones, even when their favored candidates win. Because God’s will is for Jesus to reign, not some party, nor some politician. Lucky for them, we no longer stone false prophets to death. Man would that be satisfying.
I will point out it’s totally possible to determine which of these contenders might actually be the Beast. Seriously. Because at the end of chapter 13, John stated the Beast’s number is that of a human, and it’s 666. Rv 13.18 Meaning if we know what John meant by “its number”—and we do—we can calculate it.
Ready to find out which of the candidates are devil-spawn? Wait, lemme rephrase that: Ready to find out which of these folks are the ultimate devil-spawn? Well then you’re ready for TXAB’s 2016 Presidential Antichrist Watch.
The 2016 list.
The tricky part was trying all the variants of each candidate’s names. ’Cause Revelation doesn’t offer instructions: It’s not necessarily one’s full name, first ’n last ’n middle ’n maiden. It’s one’s name… which, I figure, could mean any reasonable configuration which adds up to 666. So I tried all the possibilities: Full names, nicknames, Hebrew-equivalent names, initials. Whatever jiggery-pokery got us closest to 666. Because if I didn’t, some conspiracy-theorist would, so I figured I’d beat ’em to the punch. Hey, if any reasonable-enough variant hits 666, maybe we do have something. And maybe not. I’m just the messenger.
Below are the closest results: It’s no coincidence they’re in the 500-700 range, ’cause that’s the range I was aiming for. I included candidates, potential candidates, and drop-outs, just in case. Nope, didn’t include third parties; they don’t win.
REPUBLICAN | IN HEBREW ALPHABET | NUMBER |
Jeb Bush |
ืืืื ื ืืืืก ืืืฉ
(Yochanan [John] Ellis Bush) | 533 |
Ben Carson |
ืื ืืืื ืก ืงืจืกืื
(Benjamin S. Carson) | 638 |
Chris Christie |
ืืจืืก ืืจืืกืื
| 599 |
Ted Cruz |
ืจืคืื ื ืงืจืื
(Rafael E. Cruz) | 625 |
Mark Everson |
ืืืจืง ืืืืจืกืื
| 670 |
Jack Fellure |
ืืืื ื'ืงืกืื ืคืืืืืจ
(Lowell Jackson Fellure) | 633 |
Carly Fiorina |
ืงืืจืื ืคืืืจืื ื
| 702 |
Jim Gilmore |
ื'ืืืืก ืกืืืืืจื ืืืืืืจ
(James Stewart Gilmore) | 707 |
Lindsey Graham |
ืืื ืืกื ืืืืื ืืจืื
(Lindsey Olin Graham) | 509 |
Mike Huckabee |
ืืืืื ืืืื ืืืงืื
(Michael Dale Huckabee) | 273 |
Bobby Jindal |
ืคืืืฉ "ืืืื" ื'ืื ืืื
(Piyush “Bobby” Jindal) | 514 |
John Kasich |
ืืืื ื ืจ ืงืืืกืืง
(Yochanan [John] R. Kasich) | 614 |
George Pataki |
ื'ืืจื' ืืืืจ ืคืืืงื
(George Elmer Pataki) | 683 |
Rand Paul |
ืจื ืื ืืืืืจื ืคืื
(Randal Howard Paul) | 622 |
Rick Perry |
ืืขืงื ืจ ืคืจื
(Yaqov [James] R. Perry) | 672 |
Marco Rubio |
ืืจืงื ืจืืืื
| 570 |
Rick Santorum |
ืจืืง ืกื ืืืจืื
| 681 |
Donald Trump |
ืืื ืื ืืืื ื ืืจืืืค
(Donald Yochanan [John] Trump) | 548 |
Scott Walker |
ืกืงืื ืงืืืื ืืืงืจ
(Scott Kevin Walker) | 659 |
DEMOCRAT | IN HEBREW ALPHABET | NUMBER |
Joe Biden |
ืืืกืฃ ืจืืืื ื ืืืืื
(Joseph Robinette Biden) | 509 |
Jeff Boss |
ื'ืฃ ืืืก
| 151 |
Lincoln Chafee |
ืืื ืงืืื ื ืฆืืคื
(Lincoln D. Chafee) | 461 |
Hillary Clinton |
ืืืืืจื ืจ ืงืืื ืืื
(Hillary R. Clinton) | 711 |
Lawrence Lessig |
ืืืจื ืก ืืกืื
| 449 |
Martin O’Malley |
ืืจืืื ืืืกืฃ ืืืืืื
(Martin Joseph O’Malley) | 553 |
Bernie Sanders |
ืืจื ื ืกื ืืจืก
| 636 |
Jim Webb |
ืืขืงื ืื ืจื ืืื
(Yaqov [James] Henry Webb) | 461 |
Robby Wells |
ืจืืืจื ืืืก
(Robert Wells) | 513 |
Willie Wilson |
ืืืื ืืืืกืื
| 218 |
So there we are: None of the candidates appear to hit the relevant number. Now, whether their behavior or policies are Beast-like is a whole other ball of wax.
Back in 2012…
Some years ago I got into a political discussion (seldom a wise idea) with a fan of Pat Robertson. So for fun—hey, maybe I’d hit the magic number and horrify him!—I calculated Robertson’s name. No dice. Oh well.
Out of curiosity I tried a few of the front-runners’ names. Then I plugged in Mitt Romney’s name… and stuff got serious. Well, semi-serious. ’Cause Romney’s full name (Willard Mitt Romney,
ืืืืืจื ืืื ืจืืื ื
in Hebrew) came up 616. And I just so happen to know that in a few ancient copies of Revelation, the Beast’s number isn’t 666. It’s that number: 616.
Now, 616 is a textual variant, which means it’s not what the best ancient copies of Revelation have. And since Romney didn’t win the 2012 election, any worries people might’ve had, have (thus far) gone unfounded. Still…
Really, that’s the whole point behind calculating people’s numbers. It’s so Christians can watch out for them. That’s all. It’s not divine determinism: Anyone whose name adds up to 666 is foreordained to be the Beast. Just because your parents didn’t stop by the local Kabbalist to make sure they named you something benign, doesn’t make you the Beast. Being the Beast makes you the Beast.
In other words: Pursuing power instead of surrendering it, lying instead of seeking the truth, being a hypocrite instead of being transparent… basically if you’re in politics at all, you’re a much better match for the Beast than the average citizen who covets none of those things. (Or, better, who follows Jesus.)
I was a little surprised some news outlet didn’t pick up on Romney’s number and have a little fun with it. Then again, maybe they knew all along and squelched it… or maybe that’s just paranoia talking. ’Cause paranoia will come out with all this Beast-talk. Gotta keep our heads, folks.